Bye Bye 2008, Hello 2009

I haven't really posted on here lately because I really haven't had much to write about. Christmas was pretty cool, pretty normal. So far, I've been spending practically my whole Christmas break watching tv, IMing, and recording my prescreening stuff for college apps. And wow, these college apps are proving to be alot more difficult than I'd thought they would be. Like, I'm not sure if I'm lacking motivation and diligence to do them, or if they're actually meant to take a lifetime to complete. Regardless, I'm glad that at least I know where I'm applying. Colburn, Westminster Choir College, Swarthmore, and Chicago College of Performing Arts. I'm sorta thinking of adding UW-Madison into my list...I'm not really sure though. But since it's a state college, I think I have a bit more time to ponder it. As far as the New Year goes, I'm really looking forward to it. Because this upcoming year will hold alot of milestones for me, Lordwilling. My drivers license (hopefully....), graduating (okay, no formal grad ceremony or anything, but hey, I'll be done with highschool, and that's good enough for me,lol), and going to college (which means I'll be somewhere by myself for the first time ever). No, I really don't have any New Years' resolutions. I mean, I honestly don't see the point of them anyway.....I always break them,lol. And looking back on this past year brings lots of memories. The good and the bad. I have to say that the biggest highlight of this year was going to Eastman. I mean, that was the first time that I was actually alone somewhere for a long period of time without people that I knew. Or, I got to know them, but when I first got there, I didn't know them. And I think that Eastman taught me alot of stuff about responsibility. Like, for example, I got written up there once for being out practicing with someone past curfew. And sure, I was like 5 minutes over the curfew, and I wasn't even doing anything bad (not to mention I was late not because I didn't care, but because I had thought that the curfew was an hour later), yet that was the first time that I couldn't get out of trouble by smiling....or giving a sad face, or whatev. No, I had done something wrong, and I had to face the consequences of it head-on. And not only that, but I had to make decisions. Like, chill and swim at the YMCA with friends, or go practice for four hours. And, stay up in my bed until 2 and wake up at 6, or go to bed at 12 and wake up at 6. And, I walked away with a greater appreciation for classical (and okay, also world) music. I've also really enjoyed taking classes at UWRF. I mean, I didn't take a full college load, but if I include the hour of piano lessons that I took that would count as 2 college credits (but I didn't take them for college credit), I had 10 credits, and I really did learn a bit about what college is all about. Anyway, I think I'm gonna go watch some more tv. I know, I know, I'm TOTALLY wasting away my Christmas vacation. But hey, that's what Christmas vacation is for, right? :p Later,
Rachel

End of semester. Seriously?!

Okay, so this upcoming week is my final week of school for the semester. Amazing. I mean, I'm already alost halfway done with this school year. Just finals to go. And I seriously cannot believe how close I am to auditions too. I mean, in a little less than two months, I'll be having my first live audition. It seriously seems crazy to me. And like, I have 8 months left at home, Lordwilling. That seems absolutely insane to me. And honestly, this semester has flown by. Not like I regret it going by fast at all. And I'm very thankful for this semester. I think it has prepared me for what college will be like a little bit. And it's funny because I've already started to keep a bag stuffed with all of these new clothes I keep buying for college,lol. Is that lame or what,lol? Anyway, I'm sure you guys have all heard of the whole Caylee Anthony case thing. And it's been something I've been thinking alot about the past couple of days. Like, it seems incomprehensible to me how a mom could do such a thing to her baby. And you wonder, where did it all start? And as I start to think more about it, it's like, it obviously didn't start with the murder. No, the whole process started back when she was a kid. According to her life's pattern, she has always been a selfish girl who was known as a liar. But stuff like this makes me wonder....how can people outrightly see the wickedness in killing a baby like Caylee, yet not grasp the concept of how abortion does the EXACT same thing? I mean, sure, Caylee actually walked around on this earth for 3 or 4 years, but regardless, a person is a person. If only such a fuss was made over every single abortion that happened in this country. And if only people actually did get prosecuted for ending a human life; for murdering a real child and throwing it away in the garbage or burrying it. Although, I guess what's chilling about the whole Caylee incident is how her mother didn't care at ALL about murdering her daughter. There was no remorse from her until the detectives actually found a body. Whereas I guess usually, with an abortion, people DO regret it. And the women DO remorse over their loss of a child, most of the time anyway. Anyway, I guess I just don't understand it all, and why it went so far until Caylee was actually murdered. Like, why wouldn't a friend of Casey's intervene after constantly hearing Casey speak of Caylee in such a negative tone all of the time? Or why wouldn't have a neighbor seen what was going on and reported Casey? I just don't understand. Later,
Rachel

It's a small world afterall

It's funny how small the world really is. I guess it just starts to seem smaller the more I get to know other people. Like I think now I know at least one person in every continent in the world. And then, since I'm doing this literature on war class, it makes me realize how small the world is. And how people get into the dumbest arguments over the dumbest things. And how sometimes, those arguments turn into nations fighting against one another. And through that, nations are ruined. This small world is literally destroying itself. I mean, obviously there will never be world peace, because everyone in this world is fallen. Yet, it just seems like so many of the wars and confrontations of life are due to pride. Like, World War 2. Hitler decides he's gonna be the world's big bad guy and conquer everyone. It's linked to pride. The current war in Iraq was started by some guys who think that since the U.S. has more money, fame, power, etc. than them, they should try to destroy our economy and take whatever America has. And even the everyday quarrels. I know most of the arguments I get into are based on something I feel really strongly about, and even though I really dislike confrontation, I always want to be right. It's all pride. And it leads to the destruction of humanity. And as I'm coming up on this last stretch of my literature class, I'm realizing that war is pretty senseless. I mean, obviously, there are wars that have to be fought, but the reasons for war are always senseless. Unless you're talking about spiritual warfare of course. I know that my final paper in literature class will probably be an essay on the question,"What do you think defines a good war?" At the beginning of the class when I was asked this question, I said a good war was a war that was fought for a just cause, and a war that was fought because the leader of the country gave the lead to go fight. But at the end of this semester, I'm coming to the realization that nothing can define a good war. All war is bad, period. It doesn't mean I'm a pacifist, but war in and of itself is not good. In war, you're constantly killing other humans, regardless of whether or not they're your enemies. They are still other human beings who have lives outside of being soldiers. They still have wives, children, and relatives. They still have a desire to have a career, to know something outside of war. And in war, you practice deceit and lying to win. In war, you torture people in the most inhumane ways. Nothing can define a good war. As far as a necessary war goes, well, that I can define. That would be a war that is fought for a just cause; a war that is fought to defend your country and all of the rights and privileges that it posesses. I guess I just think about war more and more now that I'm studying it so in depth. And I read Psalm 2, which asks the question, "Why do the nations rage?" In the following verses, it talks about how God laughs at their raging. I asked my mom about it, and she desribed it this way to me. It's like having two little ants fighting about a breadcrumb that's on the ground. Finally, the ants stick up one of their little legs at you and start wiggling their little antlers and then start stomping on the ground, insinuating that since you didn't solve the quarrel, they're going to solve it themselves. And to a degree, it is comical. It's sad, but comical. The things we fight over in life are the breadcrumbs, whether they be money or fame or power or prestige or glory or honor. And when God doesn't give us what we want, we ball up our teeny little fists and shake them at God's feet and decide that since He won't give us every little thing we want, we'll solve our problems on our own through quarreling.Or through war. What we forget about are the treasures in life. His Word, His person, His holiness, His righteousness, His care for us as His children and as His creation. I'm not even sure why I wrote this post, but....I guess it's sorta like brainstorming. Just something that's been on my mind lately. How small this little world is. Later,
Rachel

Paralyzed by fear

I've always heard the phrase "paralyzed by fear", but I've never really understood that it could actually happen. Until yesterday. I had a performance, and I was really nervous about it. Like seriously, more nervous than I've ever been in my life. I was shaking all over, and once I finally adjusted the bench and started to play, I swear, my left hand froze on me. I can only remember playing a few correct notes throughout the whole piece. And honestly, it scared me. I never knew that fear could seriously paralyze someone, to the point where you no longer have control over it. I guess it really scared me because, I want to be a concert pianist. And yet,I have this profoud fear of people. I've written before about my fear of rejection, but it's like that fear extends into everything I do. Whether it's trying to write a paper based on what I think my professor wants to hear, or trying to get straight A's so that college admissions counselors will want me as a student, or playing the right notes on a stage in front of 100 people, I fear that if I do anything differently (e.g., have a few B's on my transcript or write a paper that is leaning towards my opinion, or messing up a couple of times on a stage), people are going to reject me. Or their perception of me will be ruined, or negative. And I constantly think of how Biblically, I'm not supposed to fear man at all. Yet, it's one of those things that seems easier said than done. I called my teacher afterwards and she told me of a few times that something similar had happened to her; and also of a lady who was a professional concert pianist who blanked out in the middle of a concert and stood in the middle of Orchestra Hall and said, "Sorry, I forgot the piece, I'll have to move on to the next piece." And she told me that the important thing is not to worry about me, or what I did wrong or right, but to focus on the music. From a Christian standpoint, I'd have to say it's about focusing on Christ. But perhaps my biggest problem is my struggle with perfectionism. Maybe because I've been in so many competitive arenas, or arenas where you're never good enough and there's ALWAYS something to work on (e.g. ice skating, gymnastics, piano), it's become a part of me to want to be perfect. And I fear that if I don't do something perfectly, I didn't do it to the best of my ability. Regardless, I guess it's all just something that I need to pray about. And I need to stop being so fearful. I need to start realizing that through my imperfections, the Lord shows His perfection, and humbles me and makes me realize that the only perfect thing I will ever have in life is Him.
Later,
Rachel

The election

Okay, I'm a day late, but still...the effects of the election will last at least four years, so....I'm still gonna write my thoughts on it. So I found out that Obama won by getting a text message from a friend who lives at a military academy (so he doesn't get any tv or internet....)in the middle of the night Tuesday night and he had heard rumors that Obama won, but he texted me to find out for sure. So I opened that text in the morning yesterday and listened to 100.3 and the announcer was like "Yes, the earth is still spinning on its axis even though Barack Obama has won the election." I was a bit dissapointed, but I didn't feel like "OH NO! THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD!" or anything like that. I guess I just realize first off that God is still God, regardless of who wins the election. I also realize that as a nation, America has rejected God. Psalm 33:12 says, "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord", and I believe that the converse of that statement can also be assumed true. Anything that comes upon this nation that we would consider bad or unfortunate is totally deserved. Judgement is long overdue. However, the Lord may or may not choose to use Obama as a tool for His judgement. Perhaps He has a plan to work through Obama for the better. And really, our lives are a bit like chess in the sense that we are all pawns for God's purposes. He will win the spiritual battle in the end, and regardless of who is president, His purposes will be established. And ultimately, this world is going to end. Our goal as believers isn't to fret about who is president, but to get the good news of God's salvation out, to share it with others, to live lives that reflect Christ and His goodness and grace before He comes back for us. So in the end, it doesn't matter whether the US crashes and burns in the next four years or if it crashes and burns with the rest of the world in the far future. I guess to sum this whole post up, to use my dad's terms, it really isn't about who's in the white house, it's all about Who is on the throne. Later,
Rachel

Never good enough.....

I've continued to stay extremely busy lately. Today I recorded my dvd audition for thie young arts competition. And I was like really dissapointed because I only had like 45 minutes to record a 20 minute program, and I kept messing up and restarting, and at one point I seriously started getting all teary eyed. My parents were telling me to relax and stretch, but I just couldn't. And I guess it was like one of those moments where I felt like I'm never good enough. Like no matter how much I practice, no matter what pieces I'm playing, I'm never good enough. There's always SOMETHING I have to work on to perfect in a piece. Yet, I guess it's just another humbling aspect of being human. Like it's so true, I'll never be good enough at piano, at being a student, at being a daughter, or even at the Christian walk. I'll never be perfect. But I'm so thankful for Christ and so thankful that He doesn't expect me to be perfect. And lately I've been extremely encouraged by Rebecca St. James' song "Psalm 139". It has been such an encouragement to me. And my piano teacher has also been really encouraging to me. I was seriously considering applying to Eastman again, but a few of her thoughts echoed in my mind and made me change my mind. She keeps telling me to be very careful not to stress myself out because she really doesn't want me to lose focus of the main reason I'm doing piano (besides glorifying Christ, of course): because I enjoy it. And she's actually told me a bajillion times over,"Rachel, you're only 15. You have time for grad school and stuff. But right now, I really think you should go somewhere where you can enjoy yourself and then for grad school, go for something with alot more prestige." And she's totally right. I have time. I don't need to rush through life trying to be this amazing pianist. I need to save time to focus on Christ and to enjoy the life He's given me. Anyway, on another topic (besides the boring college hoopla,lol), on Sunday, I was very touched by the message at Sunday School. It wasn't really a message, more like a biography. And it was about this missionary who went literally to the ends of the earth; not your typical go-to-the-poor-African-people type of missions trip. He went to some island near Indonesia, and literally delved into their culture;he didn't try to bring the American culture to those people. After he started to understand what they believed and started to speak their language, he explained to them the whole history of the Bible and salvation and everything. It was so touching because the missionary approached the people in a way that I've never seen before; he didn't try to bring Christianity and combine it with the culture of America and make it seem like because they lived differently than him, they were heathens or something. He brought the love of Christ, and because of that (and of course, Christ working in those people's hearts), they were very receptive to everything he had to say. I was also touch because the people there seriously LOVED every sermon and hungered for it. They'd never seen anyone outside of their own tribe and had been deceived into believing that they could somehow gain eternal life here on earth. And they began asking such deep questions to this missionary, like,"Why are we here on earth?"and"If there is a God or a Creator, why did He make life so miserable for us" and,"How can we gain eternal life?" It was so touching to see them question things and to see them receive the gospel, and hunger for it. And it really convicted me, because that morning I was frustrated about the dumbest two things possible on earth; that I couldn't find my black eyeliner (even though I have other colors of eyeliner to use) and that I couldn't find my black stretchy wide headband (even though I have a bajillion headbands-2 other black ones, but I wanted that SPECIFIC black headband). And I was convicted because, here were these people, without clothes, without much food at all, without clean water, even without any shelter. And perhaps most importantly, without Christ. And I was convicted because I realized, I get stressed and frustrated about the stupidest things, and really, materialistic things. And it's not like things in and of themselves are wrong (e.g., the black eyeliner, or the black wide strechy headband, or even college decisions), but it becomes wrong when I make these things my idols and my main focus and become SO stressed about them that I don't even take out time to see my sufficiency in Christ, and to see that in Him, I have all that I'll ever need. Anyway, I think I better go. Later,
Rachel

Still somewhat confused

Wow, I'm still confused about college decisions. So I thought I was sure where I wanted to go, as I sounded in my last post. Yet, after a college fair on Monday and talking to my teacher, I x-ed out all of the colleges. Oberlin is extremely liberal, and they just hired on this creepy Anrew Lloyd Weber creepo-alike composer. Plus, they're in the middle of a cornfield, and that means I wouldn't have too many performance opportunities. Peabody said that it's really difficult to get Leon Fleisher as a teacher bc he doesn't like teaching freshman because he's constantly gone, and you don't get lessons every week with him, and when you do get lessons, you get group lessons. And the only reason I wanted to go there was to get him as a teacher. So I x-ed that. Then my teacher told me she knew someone's son who went to Juilliard who dropped out after his first year to go work at McDonald's because they pushed him so hard that he basically learned to hate cello. So I x-ed that because I get discouraged really easily by people, and that wouldn't be a very good environment for me. I x-ed out the Cleveland Institute because their faculty didn't look so great. So now I've prayed about everything and talked to my parents once again about everythin (I really don't know how they have patience with me constantly going back and forth) and I think I'm going to apply to the Manhattan School of Music, Mannes School of Music, Colburn School of Music, and Westminster Choir college. The positive about Mannes, the Manhattan School, and Colburn is that they are all solely music schools, no dance, theatre, etc. The positive about Westminster is that it apparently has a good reputation, and the acceptance rate is 75%. However, as of right now, my first choice is the Manhattan school, because they seem to have alot of fun, yet wholesome activities to do. Like, the first day you get there, they take you on a cruise across the Manhattan Island, they have a few formals, and they are in NYC, which means they offer a bajillion of performance opportuinities (although Mannes is in NYC too, and Westminster choir college isn't too far from NYC either...it's in Princeton, NJ). Then I'd probably say that Colburn is my second choice, or maybe even tied with Manhattan. If you get in, the tuition, room and board are all free. It's in the middle of LA/Hollywood, which means there are lots of performance opportunities, not to mention a bajillion things to do and places to go and all. Then Mannes probably comes in third. And I'm not even sure if I'll apply there because I only have until November 15 to submit the prescreening cd. Then Westminster comes in fourth, because their acceptance rate is the lowest, but it looks like a great school because you have a huge emphasis in developing your voice as well as whatever instrument you play. So I'm sorta thankful for the new bunch of schools because I think it's better than me going for the top right away. And I have Westminster that I can ALMOST bank on, Manhattan and Mannes that I think I could PROBABLY get into, and Colburn which is a reach school (they have like a 10% acceptance rate....last year they only accepted four pianists :/). Plus, they're all in huge cities, or near huge cities. And that's something I also wanted. So all though the process was a bit confusing, I'm very thankful that the Lord has led me to look at these other colleges. Later,
Rachel

Really understanding what being able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me means...

Well I've still been busy. It seems like as of lately, I have endless papers and essays to write and books to read and TONS of practicing to do and...blah. But I won't complain. The work is nontheless good. As for college news, I found out on Thursday that if I wanna audition for Juilliard, I'll need a different and more complicated romantic word than the one I already have. Which in turn means I'd have to tell my teacher I wanna audition there so that she can help me with the piece (and unfortunately, I've been trying to avoid that because I don't want her to think I have some ego issue because I honestly still don't think I could make it in). So I was like REALLY distraught on Thursday...but that distraughtness only lasted for a couple of hours. My mom prayed with me, and suddenly when I was practicing, my mom and I both came up with the same solution. She told me she thought I could get the piece down by this Monday. I laughed and told her that was really ironic, because I was just thinking that if I could get down the piece by Monday, I would mention the whole thing to my teacher, and if not, I wouldn't mention it to her. And miraculously, here it is on Saturday, and the Lord has already granted me the grace to be able to play the piece in 9 minutes, and the performance time is usually around 8 minutes. So I've prayed about it, and I think I'm gonna go for it. I talked to a friend yesterday who really encouraged me too. She was telling me that if I decide not to go for it, I have to have a better reason than just plain fear. That I can't be afraid to talk to my teacher, or afraid to try to learn the piece, or even fear of rejection. That my reason for not doing it has to be because I strongly feel that the Lord doesn't want me there. And I guess that's something I really struggle with in my life. Fear. Like, my reservedness and shyness is totally because I fear rejection, and I fear what other people's responses to me will be. And I guess ultimately, with everything I fear whether it is speaking up, or attempting a seemingly insane piece, or trying new things or whatever, my fear is always the fear of rejection or the fear of failure. And even with college auditions. Like, I'm not even close to auditions yet, and I even have nightmares about being rejected during an audition. And it's like, I really do need to "be anxious for nothing, but with everything give prayer and supplication" and I need stop fearing man, and start fearing the Lord more. I also need to learn that in my own strength, I WILL fail. But that in contrast, I can do everything the Lord desires me to do through Christ who strengthens me. Later,
Rachel

no time, zippo, nada

I haven't updated my blog in a month bc I haven't had time. I've been insanely busy, but I'm totally thankful for the busyness. It keeps me from wasting my time away with pointless things that I used to do...like being on facebook 24/7,lol. So, I have prayed about and finally decided that I want to go into piano performance (not music ed) and where I want to apply this year. My first choice is Juilliard because as of lately, I'm hearing about alot of Christians who go there and also because since it is in the heart of NYC, there are a bajillion performing opportunities and I've heard that their faculty are very good as well. My second choice is Peabody Conservatory because Leon Fleisher who is an amazing concert pianist. And I've heard that you should go somewhere for a teacher and after meeting Dr. Fleisher last weekend, he is SO humble and down-to-earth and I think that I would really like to have him as a teacher. My third choice is Oberlin Conservatory, and it's my third choice now because my teacher is sorta skeptical of its environment. But I guess that I'll find out what it's like when I visit the campus. My last choice is the Cleveland Institute of Music. I don't know much about it, but since it's a conservatory and I know a couple of people who are applying there and it's on the same application website as the Manhattan school of music and Oberlin are, I'm guessing it has to be pretty good. And both Peabody and the Cleveland Institute of music have pretty mid-ranged acceptance rates (Cleveland institute is 35% and Peabody is 50%), which is good because I can't just go for the really impossible-to-get-into conservatories, or else I might be stuck and not be able to go anywhere. So other than that, I've been busy with my homework, and driver's ed (YAY! I'm so thankful that I'm getting to do it!) and of course, piano practice. The pieces I'm working on right now seem impossible right now, and I'm really doubting that I can get them down by November, but I guess I just have to trust that the Lord will give me the knowledge and wisdom to know how to finish them before the pre-screening due-dates. And then of course, I have the college essays to do. And I'm not a very good essay person....at least not when it comes to talking about myself or my future. Anyway, I better go practice again. Later,
Rachel

Trusting the Lord isn't always easy....or finding hope in the midst of rejection...

So I auditioned to be an accompanist for the Minnesota Youth Symphonies on Friday.And I got my rejection letter yesterday. And honestly, that was the first time I've actually cried over not winning something that has to do with piano. I actually told my mom that maybe this is a sign that I need to go into something else for college. She wasn't too convinced and tried to encourage me. I guess I just feel like if I couldn't get a spot when I'm only competing against two other people, why in the world would I audition for a conservatory? Yet, I feel like David in the sense that the Lord can work through my smallness to show His greatness. After all, it seems like I have everything against me. My hands are small and I'm a girl, and those are just two things that I have against me as far as piano is concerned. There aren't too many female concert pianists, and most pianists have much larger hands. But I feel like music is what I'm called to do. And I thought about how the director of the music horizons program at Eastman said that the founder of Eastman actually had students coming up to him all the time to ask him if he thought that they should pursue music. He apparently always said no. In a pamphlet that we were given, it was explained why he said no. He said that if a person was a true musician, that they wouldn't let anyone else deter them from music and nothing could take them away from music. As a Christian, I wouldn't say that nothing could take me away from music (e.g., I could get tendonitis or carpel tunnel syndrome...) or that I'm gonna barge my way through the music world, but I feel that this is something the Lord has laid on my heart and regardless of where I go with music , the Lord will use me. Even through my smallness. Also, at a luncheon I played for this week, an elderly lady told me that she knew a man who went to college for another degree besides music because although he loved music, he felt like he couldn't make it in music. Then he graduated, and wasn't content with his work, so now he's going back to college for a music degree. And she told me to not give up on music too...before the thought even crossed my mind. So although right now I honestly don't think I'll make it into a really good conservatory, I can trust that the Lord knows where I need to be and which college or conservatory would be best for me and He'll let me get accepted wherever He sees I could honor Him more. Later,
Rachel

Back home....and missing people like mad

Overall, I must say that my experience at Eastman was really good. Way better than Interlochen. Well, I guess that the TEACHING at Eastman was better, but I think with Eastman's program only being 3 weeks long, I didn't become as close to them as I did to my Interlochen friends. I did make a few close friends though, and for the first time in like 5 years, I finally was able to sing in front of people without getting extremely nervous. I guess I just started to get used to it after singing a ton with the guy I was accompanying and by the time I had to sing solo for voice class, I was really prepared. And I learned a ton there too. I will definately be applying there, but right now, I have to decide whether I should go for music education or piano performance. Both my private lesson teacher and the director of the program told me that I could get in as a music education major, but if I audiitioned for piano performance, it could go either way. So I'm really praying about it. I don't really want to learn how to play all of the instruments that are in the orchestra, because that will really take away alot of my piano time. Plus, I would have more gen-ed requirements as a gen-ed major. Yet, I don't wanna be stuck without a good college to go to by applying for performance. And according to the Dean at Eastman, it's best to apply right when the application opens online (which is September 1st), so I only have like a month to decide. :( Anyway, I should probably get off the computer. Later,
Rachel

doing ALOT better

Well, I've been feeling alot better. I think that I just needed to catch up on some sleep and get a good meal, both of which I did yesterday. But this whole program has definitely been prepping me for college I think....and possibly this upcoming year.It's given me a taste of the decisions and struggles I would have to go through at college (like, get sleep or do homework, accompany every person that asks me to or learn to say no to people, practice when everyone else is saying they wanna chill for a few minutes or chill with them, etc.) I'm also debating about doing some ballet through UW-RF this year. It would give me some extra highschool credit, plus it would be tons of fun and great exercise. I guess I'm not totally sure if I really wanna do the whole running thing through Insight.Anyway, I'm hungry and it's lunch time. Later,
Rachel

seriously down...

The last few days have been very stressful for me. In fact, I feel almost thrown over the edge. And to be totally honest, as much as I hate to admit it, I do sorta wonder if I'll be able to handle college in a year. I guess right now I'm just feeling like the whole world is against me or something. And I'm EXTREMELY emotional. Which is sorta embarrassing since I absolutely HATE getting all emotional in front of people. And I'm honestly not sure WHY I'm so upset. Agh, maybe I should just stop writing before this whole thing just becomes one huge blob of emotional outburst,LOL. Later,

Rachel

a bit stressed out...

It's weird because I THOUGHT that coming here would be quite easy. And tons of fun. But actually, lately I've found myself becoming stressed out. It's still a blessing to be here and it's still fun and all, but I haven't been getting the proper amount of sleep or balance of food to function properly. So because of that, I've been really ditzy and forgetful. For example, last Friday night, I was practicing some stuff with a guy I'm accompanying, and after a few hours, he was like,"Oh! It's almost ten! We have to get back to the dorms!" But I thought that we had to be back at eleven, so I convinced him that we had more time. About five minutes later, I ran into an RA in the hall to confirm that eleven was okay, only to find out that it WAS ten. So both of us got written up. And mentioned in career class today. *sigh* I also ended up missing my piano lesson today because I thought that my teacher and I had confirmed that Tuesdays would be 2:30, and Fridays would be 1:30. But there was a miscommunication, and basically, I was supposed to have my lesson at three. And then on Saturday, we went to a park and played kickball. During a point where I was supposed to be guarding the first base, I randomly started running around the bases because I had forgotten how to play. Needless to say, everybody stared at me and then asked what I was doing.....and then yesterday in choir, during a rest, I didn't take the rest and screeched out this really high note. It was really embarrassing. So....I'm thinking I PROBABLY need to get some more sleep. Otherwise, I'll continue to have a reputation as a complete ditz. *sigh* Well, before I sleep, I'm gonna go practice. Later,
Rachel

So far, so good....

I've been REALLY busy the last couple of days. And tired as well. But I'm thankful for the opportunity to be here. I've been able to get in about 4 hours of practice every day, and I've been amazed at the amount of homework they give. Like for World History Class, we are supposed to write out a 6 page report on this World Music concert. It's due on Tuesday. Theory hasn't been all that bad, but there's still homework. And my voice class has been very interesting. The teacher so happens to be gay, and for my solo piece, he assigned me a love song that's meant to be sung to a girl. I told him that I felt a bit uncomfortable with it, and he didn't really see the big deal. So I just decided to change a few of the words around and make it a song from a girl to a guy. And he's like really hyper too and sorta moody and....it's just weird. But at the same time, it is a test of my faith. Anyway, I think that I'm gonna go for now. Later,
Rachel

15 minutes....

Okay, so I got computer access here and I'm limiting myself to 15 minutes every day. Anyway, so far, so good. Yesterday was my first full day here and it was good. On Saturday, I met another Christian girl. She's from Taiwan. It's funny because we were both talking and just staring at our food and finally she was like, "Okay, I'm gonna pray now". And I explained to her that that's why I was just staring at my food, but I didn't know how to put it really. So we've become sorta close in only a day. And I got locked in a practice room for the first time in my life yesterday. I called the RA emergency number and the guy told me to simply push the knob down, not up. *sigh* Another instance to prove that I'm a ditz. And I had my career interview yesterday too. It went well. She told me that they don't look solely for technicality, but musicality as well because technicality without musicality gets one nowhere. So that was a comfort because I know there are MANY people out there who can play absolutely insane pieces, but I guess I still feel like maybe I have a shot. And the Lord knows where I need to be too, so I shouldn't fret. The lady also advised me to go for a music education degree rather than a performance degree. She said a performance degree means absolutely nothing,but you can do other stuff with an education degree. Plus, she said it's easier to get accepted into a music education degree because not very many people go for it, and that if I'm intent on getting a performance degree, I can swap majors if I get accepted into my dream college. Anyway, it's been 15 minutes, so I better go practice!!Later,
Rachel

I shall be departing soon.....

I'm leaving for Eastman tomorrow morning around 2-ish, and even though I'll probably have internet access while I'm there, I'm gonna try to keep it to a minimum, so I probably won't be updating my blog while I'm there. I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY RREEEEEEAAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYY excited and I'm praying that this will be a great experience and that it will also be fun and stuff. And I'm thinking that the environment will probably be more focused than Interlochen. Like, I'll have a packed schedule with classes from 8-5 plus I'll have to practice (I'm gonna REALLY try to make at least 4 hours every day) and it's known for being really intense, which is what I need. So anyway, ta-ta for now! Later,
Rachel

The earth literally groans?

I was really intrigued by an article I read the other day about how the earth actually emits sounds that can be heard in space. I immediately thought of the verse in Romans (8:22) which says, "For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now." And perhaps it isn't speaking of literal groaning, but.....then again, perhaps it is. Anyway, I found out yesterday that I have to prepare a piece for vocal auditions at camp. So....I'm going to attempt "The Lord's Prayer". It's funny because I'm getting so side-tracked with that that piano practice got kicked to the side yesterday and today. And then I have to un-pack most of my stuff because apparently, airlines are cracking down on carry-on sizes, so....I have to put everything in a different suitcase. Anyway, this post is pretty random and I don't have anything else to write, so....Later,
Rachel

Jesus prayed for us

A few weeks ago, I came across this passage and I was extremely encouraged, because I never even knew that this passage existed and it's just amazing to thing of Jesus praying for me and every other believer that has lived and ever will live. It's from John chapter 17. So I think I'll just post the whole chapter and leave that as my post.(By the way, this is from The Message version) I just love this passage!

" Jesus said these things. Then, raising his eyes in prayer, he said:
Father, it's time.
Display the bright splendor of your Son
So the Son in turn may show your bright splendor.
You put Him in charge of everything human
So He might give real and eternal life to all in his charge.
And this is the real and eternal life:
That they know you,
The one and only true God,
And Jesus Christ, whom you sent.
I glorified you on earth
By completing down to the last detail
What you assigned me to do.
And now, Father, glorify me with your very own splendor,
The very splendor I had in your presence
Before there was a world.
I spelled out your character in detail
To the men and women you gave me.
They were yours in the first place;
Then you gave them to me,
And they have now done what you said.
They know now, beyond the shadow of a doubt,
That everything you gave me is firsthand from you,
For the message you gave me, I gave them;
And they took it, and were convinced
That I came from you.
They believed that you sent me.
I pray for them.
I'm not praying for the God-rejecting world
But for those you gave me,
For they are yours by right.
Everything mine is yours, and yours mine,
And my life is on display in them.
For I'm no longer going to be visible in the world;
They'll continue in the world
While I return to you.
Holy Father, guard them as they pursue this life
That you conferred as a gift through me,
So they can be one heart and mind
As we are one heart and mind.
As long as I was with them, I guarded them
In the pursuit of the life you gave through me;
I even posted a night watch.
And not one of them got away,
Except for the rebel bent on destruction
(the exception that proved the rule of Scripture).
Now I'm returning to you.
I'm saying these things in the world's hearing
So my people can experience
My joy completed in them.
I gave them your word;
The godless world hated them because of it,
Because they didn't join the world's ways,
Just as I didn't join the world's ways.
I'm not asking that you take them out of the world
But that you guard them from the Evil One.
They are no more defined by the world
Than I am defined by the world.
Make them holy—consecrated—with the truth;
Your word is consecrating truth.
In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world,
I give them a mission in the world.
I'm consecrating myself for their sakes
So they'll be truth-consecrated in their mission.
I'm praying not only for them
But also for those who will believe in me
Because of them and their witness about me.
The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are—
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the godless world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me.
Father, I want those you gave me
To be with me, right where I am,
So they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me,
Having loved me
Long before there ever was a world.
Righteous Father, the world has never known you,
But I have known you, and these disciples know
That you sent me on this mission.
I have made your very being known to them—
Who you are and what you do—
And continue to make it known,
So that your love for me
Might be in them
Exactly as I am in them."

Two more weeks.....

Lately I've been busy off and on. Last weekend, my parents' friends' kids came over. And I had to watch them. I never knew watching kids could be SO TIRING! But it was all good. I've also been volunteering at the library by helping out with the pre-school reading program. It's been really enjoyable, and the kids are hilarious. One girl has basically adopted me as her mom,LOL. She actually asked me am I a mom,LOL. Only a five year old would think that I actually look older than 13,LOL. Anyway, camp starts for me in two more weeks!! And I am very excited!!! I found out who my teacher is going to be. She's a Russian pianist and she is described as "very demanding." I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but I know for a fact that I don't work well with teachers who are really demanding and don't like you to have any say or creativity in how you play your music and force you to play just like they tell you because, of course, they're always right and you're always wrong. I have had two teachers like that and nothing can drive me up the wall more. And I'm also sorta nervous that I'll hafta be a fruit-and-salad-tarian while I'm there because I might not be able to eat anything else. But I am praying about it all because I really do want this to be a good camp and I really hope that I can learn alot. And I hope that the practice rooms aren't all taken 24/7 like they were at camp last year. I am also praying that I'll be able to be a witness while I'm there, because that must be my main focus. It's so easy for me to get caught up in trying to fit in with the crowd. Especially in a crowd where I will be one of the youngest people there (last year, they only had one 15 year old and they don't accept anyone under 15). Yet, if I go to a secular campus, which I more than likely will, I can't get caught up in pleasing people. I have to stay caught up in pleasing Christ. Anyway, I am really looking forward to this fall. Oberlin has already asked me for a picture to put on file to go with my application/audition portfolio, so that really made me excited! And I already have one of my pieces for auditions memorized, and half of the other three. Now I just have the dreaded "Bach fugue from the Well Tempered Claiver" to get started on. *Sigh* And this fall, I'll be taking five college courses unless my counselor tells me to drop one,LOL. And on top of that, I'll be taking three other highschool courses. Which really gets me excited. I love being busy. :) Well, I better go practice before I wear my hands out on the computer. Later,
Rachel

I just like this song

Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman

Dear Diary.....

Well, lately I haven't really been up to much. I've put in a bajillion job apps. Or okay, more like 8. But still, that's quite a few. And I'm hoping that I'll get a couple of calls back. But if I don't, that's okay. I'll just relax and enjoy the summer and look forward to having a job in the fall when there aren't fifty bajillion other hghschoolers looking for summer jobs. But this break from busyness has really given me a chance to think about a few things.First of all, piano. During the summer, it seems like no matter how bored I get, the last thing I want to do is practice piano. Yet I feel like I'm like starving (not literally of course) if I don't practice. And on top of that, it's like hard for me to practice when I don't have a goal in mind. And okay, I do have the ultimate goal of being a concert pianist, but it's very difficult for me to think,"Oh yeah, in ten years, I wanna be at Carnegie Hall, so I better really start practicing and get my pieces down!" Secondly, I've been reflecting on this past year. I think that this has probably been the most difficult year of my life thus far, but I am really thankful for it. For one, I think that it has really matured me. And I don't say that with pride, but with thankfulness to the Lord for what, at the time, seemed like an endless black hole that I'd never make it through. And I was reading this devotion by Joni Eareckson-Tada on Wednesday. It was about the passage in Hosea 2:6-7. She wrote how she has learned to love her wheelchair and love the safety and borders of protection the Lord provides by it. She wrote that had she been able to walk on her two feet, perhaps she would be reaching for and running toward alot of wrong things. And I guess that is how I feel at times. Perhaps had this year been different, I would've turned in a direction that didn't please the Lord. But whatever the Lord's purposes were, I must be content in knowing that He knows what is best for me. And He is preparing me for whatever I will face in my future life. And then I'm thinking about college and stuff. And how weird it is that I will be applying to college in three months.And I already have a poster on my wall which has the cities Oberlin Conservatory is coming to hold regional auditions in January and February. And how really, these auditions determine my future. Or at least for the next four years if I do decide to do grad school. And yes, I am REALLY excited and overjoyed and prayerful and all yet, it suddenly seems like time is sorta going by faster. Like, second grade and those EASY long-division problems seem like they were just like last year or something. And how this year has seemed SO INCREDIBLY LONG, yet, now it's over and it really doesn't seem like the beginning of the school year was so long ago. It's really weird. Anyway, and then the past couple of days, I've learned a few things about Christian love. And thinking of the phrase "What Would Jesus Do?" Like it seems like a really lame question, but honestly, when you already have built up a wall against someone for whatever reason without completely getting to know them, is that loving? Is that what Jesus would do? And I've also learn that as I've gotten a little bit older, being fake isn't as easy as it used to be. At least not for an extended period of time. But I have realized that it's really not about being fake, but being loving. Doing what Jesus would do. And not just plastering a smile on my face, but praying to be loving toward the person who I feel like being fake to. And really, loving your neighbor as yourself isn't always as easy as it seems. Well, anyway, this is really really long and boring. Oh well. Later,
Rachel

Still nothing to write about.....

So here's another vid. This one is called Friend Like That by Hawk Nelson. And for Hawk Nelson, it's really really good.


Well, not much is new. I went to Georgia last week and had an awesome time until my sick little cousins decided to get all cuddly with me and pass their germs to me....but now I'm feeling alot better. I went to the Coca Cola factory while I was there, so that was pretty sweet. And I went to this thing called bootcamp 360, and they had this "competition" thing. The first excercise was running a mile. I ran it in 8 minutes and 33 seconds, and I was pretty happy with that timing because I haven't ran a mile with no break since Dokime! After that, we had the usual pushups. I did 21, and although the other guys (oh yeah, I forgot to mention it was a men's class....) got like 50-60 in 2 minutes, I was happy to get more than 2,LOL. Then there was the worm pushups. And the always dreaded lunges.And the even more dreaded frog jumps. And "cleaning the floor" which really wasn't as bad of an excercise as they made it out to be. And then there were wall squats. And I won that competition. I thought the guy said I held it for 5 minutes, but he talked to my mom and told her that I held it for over 15 minutes. But I paid for it. I could barely walk the following Saturday and Sunday. So never again will I try so hard to beat grown men,LOL. ;)And it was my first mother-daughter trip. And I think that my mom feels a little bit more comfortable traveling with me alone now. Like she was really nervous at first because she's never traveled ANYWHERE without my dad...but after I figured out the GPS system, she really wanted me in the car with her at all times,LOL. So hopefully our trip to NY in 6 weeks won't be so bad afterall. This weekend I will be busy because Aaron is graduating and has some "guests" coming from out of town, and I'm pretty excited for Aaron to graduate. He'll be getting his associate's degree, and he'll be the first grandchild on both sides of the fam to get a college degree and the first person ever on my dad's side, so I think that's pretty.....historic,LOL.Other than that, nothing is really new. Later,
Rachel

Hymn to the Fallen- Saving Private Ryan

This was apparently in Saving Private Ryan. I think it's such a beautiful piece. Too bad I didn't post it on memorial day.....

For all of you Relient K lovers!!! or um, haters.....

Sorry, I couldn't resist posting this song. It's called My Girlfriend by Relient K.



Ain't it awesome?!

100th Anniversary! Or so I wish.....

Yay! I'm gonna copy Mos and rejoice over my 100th post,lol. Well, things are starting to REALLY slow down for me, but that's all good. I know that next year will be insane again so....I will be thankful for the upcoming six weeks of peace,LOL. First off, everyone in the graduation was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G on Friday!! Seriously. And I loved seeing Antigone again. And seeing you guys again,LOL. I was sorta sad that I had to leave so soon, especially seeing that the competition on Saturday really did not go too well. I didn't place. And usually, I'm not surprised if I don't place because there have to be a few losers behind the winner(s). And usually I have some pretty stiff competition. And I realize that part of life as a musician (or really, in any career) is being rejected and recovering from that rejection and simply giving each opportunity your best shot and doing it to God's glory and all. But what was discouraging is the fact that my teacher informed me that she stayed for the Honor's recital. And the girl who won in my category really wasn't that great. Plus, apparently she had given the competition people the key to the 10 foot grand backstage, but they saw the much smaller baby grand (I think it's between 5 and 6 feet) which was untuned and decided to use that since it was already out onstage. So, everyone who competed in the high school category had to use a small, untuned piano, which really isn't easy because it's hard enough to fill up the recital hall with sound even with the 10 foot grand, muchless a piano half its size. Plus, it didn't help that I was one of the first in the morning to compete, so the untuned piano wasn't even warmed up by then. But regardless, it's providential. And like my teacher said, I can't let one bad competition ruin my love for music. So yeah. Anyway, I was really encouraged yesterday by my Sunday School class. It was a Q/A time and many questions came up. One was the question of how to deal with someone who doesn't fit the mold of what the average "Christian teen" today should be like. And I LOVED my youth pastor's response. He reminded whoever wrote that question of who they were even before they became a believer and that it really doesn't matter what your standards of the "average Christian teen" are, but that all that matters is how that person lives for Christ. And it was comforting to me because so often, I feel that I don't fit the quota of people's standards in ALOT of arenas. I'm not the girl who goes to every church function there is. So I don't really fit with the church crowd. And I don't listen to classical music 24/7 or practice piano 8 hours a day on an average day. So I don't really fit in with the "classical musician" clique. And I'm not in a homeschool group and I don't really put homeschooling on a pedestal, so I don't really fit in with the homeschool clique. But....I am who the Lord has made me. And it's a comfort to know that although I don't fit in with any earthly cliques or groups, I'm in the Lord's group. And that someday in Heaven, there won't be any cliques. And there won't be any people snubbing people who don't fit in their cliques or asking "how to deal" with people who don't fit in their cliques as if they're some unidentified species of people,LOL. Anyway, I'm going to Georgia on Thursday, and I really need to finish my packing today. Later,
Rachel

It's ALLLL good.....

Well, on Friday, Josh came home, so now I'm happy. Because I REALLY enjoy having Josh around. And it's really cool because it's like now that he's like been gone to college and coming back, I'm not so awkward when he comes home. Like the first time he came home, I was acting like he was a guest or somthing which was REALLY awkward. But anyway....then on Saturday, I had an awesome day at home. Which was weird. Because usually, I go places to do stuff with friends because I don't think that I can find anything to do at home. But regardless, I had fun. Yesterday was pretty awesome too. We had company over (although I admit, I feel bad because I TOTALLY forgot to get my mom a mother's day gift until Saturday, and then told her that I wanted to get one, but she said that it wouldn't be worth the gas so....ah well). And the company was fun. I tried spotting one of the girls on her backhandspring, but...well, it didn't turn out too great. See, I have like NO arm strength whatsoever, and she had never done one before. Sooo.....I ended up straining my arms (mainly my right arm) to flip her over. And even once I flipped her over, her arms collapsed. But oh well. Now I'm stuck with a sore arm. And I need to practice. So I better get off. Later,
Rachel

New Post

Okay, so....I haven't written anything in over a week, so....this will be a lame post, but whatever. So....today I went to see Iron Man. It was okaayyy, but I prefer Spider-Man. Like....Spider Man is just an overall better role model. For example, he's not a flirt. He has his ONE high school soulmate who he is in love with and wants to marry. Also, the things he does aren't for the gain of money or fame, but for the good of others. But I won't over-analyze the movie. Overall, it was good. Anyway, last week I got my ACT scores back and I'm really thankful because I did way better than I expected which is a huge blessing. And then my parents made flight reservations for camp, so....they are pretty certain that I'll be going. Which makes me very excited and thankful. And this camp will be alot more intense musically than last summer. According to the coordinator of the summer programming, they treat you like adults at this camp. Soo....there's alot more responsibility. Plus, I'll get voice lessons. Which...sorta brings up another thing. Last night my dad asked me for the first time in like a year would I still like to make a Christian cd. So....I guess I'm once again praying about my career path. Like I am certain that whatever direction I go, I will use piano. And I have been certain for like two or three years that I am GOING to be a concert pianist. But...I just need to pray about whether or not I should take the path of singing or being a classical pianist. And if I do, then I'll probably minor in voice in college. So....I just don't know!! Anyway, it is an absolutely gorgeous day and I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of it. Later,
Rachel

Another song I really like

If you want me to-Ginny Owens



Oh, by the way, no criminal content Abe. ;)

Toccata by Claude Debussy

This is one of the pieces that I'm currently working on, and I really like it!

Untitled

Well, lately I've been a bit busy (which I love, by the way). I'm totally enjoying this summer-like weather. Anyway, I found out that I got accepted into the Eastman Summer Music Horizons program! So I'm hoping and praying that I'll be able to go. And even if not, I'm also hoping and praying that getting accepted into that will give me an edge on getting accepted into Eastman. So.... I found out about that on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I went clothes shopping with my mom. On Thursday, I had trio practice. On Friday, I had a down day. On Saturday, I went shopping at the Mall of America with a friend. We were gonna go to an open gym thing (bc I will need to try to regain my gymnastics skills if I do happen to go to Eastman and do intramural or club gymnastics), but decided on going shopping instead....which was prbly way more fun than doing a few flips for an hour,LOL. And then I'm really starting to look forward to the end of the school year. I only have two more weeks (including this week) for Literature and History and only 4 more weeks for Algebra 2 and Physical Science. And I'm looking forward to this summer and next year for school. I know that whatever route I go, the Lord has His plan for me and next year will work out fine. I'm going to try to audition for the Minnesota Youth Symphonies as an accompanist for next year. And I'm also looking forward to having a bit of an exciting year with starting on a couple of college courses next year. Anyway, this is getting long again,LOL. Later,

sweetggirl

Not watching the wall

Well, I didn't make it to the finals in the Schubert Club, but that's okay. I had fun and it went okay. I ended up having a panel of judges sorta like American Idol. There was the Randy (okay, it was a lady though) and she wrote some good critiques on my music, but also wrote that she liked my performance. Then there was the Simon (and yes, he was a guy) who was pretty mean. His only statement on my etude was, "It doesn't seem like you know what you're doing with this piece." and the other critiques were basically the same. I sum his critiques up with, "You don't know what you're doing, you piece ruiner!" And then, there was the Paula. She was really nice, and her final statement was something to the degree of I have promising talent and to not give up. Ah, the joy of judges. And then yesterday, I had the ACT (dum dum dum dummmm). And I've come to realize that I'm not too good at test taking. After about fifteen minutes, I get a bit distracted and start staring at the ceiling or something and then realize that I'm timed and stuff and try to focus once again. And also, I'm not good at taking extended tests. After about the three hour mark, my brain turns to mush and I can't think! Anyway, now time to explain the title of my post. The other day, I was reading another convicting devotional from Joni Eareckson Tada. It was called "Don't watch the wall". She explained that race car drivers are trained that the must not look at the wall, no matter how hard they get bumped, or off track, or anything. That if they look at the wall, they'll freeze. She puts it in everyday circumstances, like how we look at the "Walls" in our lives and as a result, tend to get frozen up and worry about the future's problems rather than the present's opportunities. She reminds us that Paul says that we need to set our hearts on things above, and adds,"It's advice worth following, or you just might hit the wall." And that is something I really need to pray about. Instead of complaining or worrying, I need to focus on things above, not the wall right in my face. Later,
sweetggirl

Be content in all things....

I'm still struggling to completely get over my cold. My ears are terribly plugged, and that's making me nervous about Saturday. Anyway, yesterday I was pretty down (as seems to happen more often than it should with me). Sorta drowning in the muck of despair. And as I was going to bed, I thought about Pilgrim's Progress. How Pilgrim was stuck in the dungeon of despair. The Giant even gave him everything necessary to kill himself. Yet...SOMETHING kept him from doing that. It wasn't until he and Faithful (name correction...?) were very near death that Pilgrim dug around his clothes and found a magic key. Okay, it wasn't really MAGIC, but somehow, that key fit into all of the locks. And after using that key, they were able to get free. And it occured to me for the first time ever that perhaps that key is God's Word. The Bible is the key to getting out of any mucky or despairing situation. So I thought of the verse in Philippians (4:11) where Paul says that he speaks not in concern of need, but that he has learned to be content in all things. So Paul was locked up in jail, arms in cold stocks, utter darkness, dampness, coldness, no friends except through letters, whipped, beaten, deprived of MANY necessities, yet he learned to be content. In ALL of those things. And my mom talked to me and told me that my external circumstances will NEVER make me happy. And I know she's right. If I had a bajillion friends, if I could drive, if I had a job, if I got every little thing I asked for, I would ALWAYS want something more. She told me that life will only get MUCH much harder and that if I don't learn to daily apply myself to deeply studying Scripture now, I never will. And I will always make some excuse. And she's totally right. This is my down season. A lil over a year from now (and this summer if I go to a camp I'm looking at going to) I will be combatting the world from every single angle. And "cram prep" doesn't work when it comes to spiritual battle. Anyway, wow...another long post. Sorry! Later,
sweetggirl

So tis life.....

Well, lately I've been battling a miserable cold...and hope and pray that I'm on the mend. Last week I couldn't do anything during spring break because I was sick. I was PLANNING on doing something fun like going to a concert and then Mall of America, but ended up getting REALLY sick the night before. And then Saturday, I WAS gonna go see a movie but I was still too sick....and it didn't help going to a lame booksale and getting out in the cold. Oh well. I'm thankful that I started to feel a whole lot better this afternoon. Anyway, this Saturday I have another piano competition. I am sorta nervous though because I forgot what pieces I'm supposed to play, and decided to call the Schubert Club to ask them. They kindly told me what pieces I was supposed to play, and they are totally different than what I was THINKING I would be playing. And worse yet, the only piece I'm really comfortable with I'm not even playing! So I'm playing three pieces that I've only been playing off and on for six months. Not a totally good idea for a major competition,LOL. But I THINK this will be my second to last competition because I highly doubt that I will qualify for the final competition. And I didn't get the guts to talk to my teacher.....yet. But I think I will next week. I'm gonna record three more of my pieces on Wednesday, and that will be the culmination of my pieces for this year as far as lessons go.My teacher just told me to keep practicing them for the Badger state competition. And then I'm also excited because my mom and I are going to try to get out and do some Conservatory visits this spring!! Anyway, this is getting long. Later,
sweetggirl

I just like this song

Lose My Soul-Tobymac

Spring Break!!

Well, I am on spring break and I have been on spring break since Friday. Josh is gone *tears*. And Aaron has started working so...I've only seen him for about five minutes since Sunday! Ah well, I guess it's preparing me for next year when he's gone all the time. So...I FINALLY got news back from my teacher. I DID pass the WMTA theory test FINALLY. THANK THE LORD!!! So I'm really happy about that. AND I had entered this mail competition for an "Un-Master Class" (and I have no idea what that is, but the same "Un-Master Classes" have been held at a bunch of Conservatories around the world like Julliard and the Royal College of Music in London by the same guy) and William Westney is the guy giving the class and I made the cut!!! So I'm REALLY thankful for that! The Lord is good. Besides that, I haven't been up to much, but I THINK that today I'm gonna pray about having the courage to talk about Conservatories with my piano teacher. She went to Eastman, and with that as my top choice, I have a feeling that she can give me some major ideas of what the school is like. And I asked my mom if she thinks that my teacher will be up to letting me go next spring, and my mom said that my teacher had told her that she thinks one more year will be enough to prepare me musically. So...I guess I'll see! And I'm excited about starting on some repretoire to play for Conservatory auditions! And to see what the Lord has planned for me. Hopefully by this time next year I will know where I'm going to be for four years. And who knows, maybe I won't even get accepted into a Conservatory. Maybe the Lord desires for me to go to a college instead. But regardless, I hope and pray that He will grant me the grace to be able to say, like Paul in Philippians 4:11-13 that I am content in ALL things. And I can trust that He will take me wherever will be best for me. Later,
sweetggirl

Good Friday

Well, the WMTA competition went well. I did get three fives, but I won't know whether or not I failed the theory test until next week...probably on Monday or Tuesday. If I fail this year...I'm dead. Mainly because this would be the third time it happened....and I have no excuse this year because I had an intense theory course at Interlochen. But hey, I did my best...and my best is all that I can give. And if I don't make it to state, I'll still have on more competition left, which is the Schubert Club competition. And I have almost NO chance at that. There are LOTS of people who play those CRAZY Rachmaninoff concertos or whatever. But I'm sorta glad that competition season is almost over because I am going to get to start on new pieces; hopefully ones that I'll use for my Conservatory auditions. Speaking of which, I THINK that I have narrowed down the top four Conservatories I want to go to; either Oberlin (1) Eastman (2) Julliard (3) or Trinity College of Music in London (4). And I've SORTA thought about going to the Conservatoire de Paris, but I don't know ANY French and I'd have to try and cram French 1 and 2 in my school year next year AND pass a literacy test. The positive thing is that at the Conservatoire, you have to pass a French literacy test....so...I don't rly know if I should even consider that. Anyway....Josh has been home this week so it's been nice having him around and stuff. And today we WERE gonna have company over, but at the last minute they cancelled :(. And I had spent FIVE HOURS trying to get everything ready!!! *sigh* So tis life. Anyway, today IS Good Friday, so hopefully even if we won't have company, my fam will sing hymns or SOMETHING Good Friday-y-ish. Later,
sweetggirl

Ah, spring!

Well I've been extremely busy this week, but it's all good because I LOVE BEING BUSY! On Sunday, we had company over. I talked to this lady who's 21 and went to college at 16 as well, except she went in Canada. I obviously chatted with her because I'm Lord-willing gonna be doing exactly what she did. She is from the UK and didn't say whether or not I should go to the UK for Conservatory training or not. She said that I should really pray about it all and see where the Lord leads. She reminded me that the best place to be is where the Lord wants me. However, after talking to her, I think that I am leaning more toward staying in the US and stuff. Also, I read this quote by Edmund Burke that says. "All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." And it really convicted me. Like...how easy it is to just think I want to go to the UK in HOPES that it will be better and how I'm so hesitant to stay in the U.S. And I really want to be like Isaiah who said, "Here I am Lord! Send me!" But it takes alot of faith to be able to do that. Faith that can only be granted by the Lord. So often, it's like I wanna pray, "Here I am Lord! Now send me where I want to go!" instead. Anyway....then I ended up having alot of sewing material cut by an 8-yr-old. Sigh. I left the room and came back only to see her chopping up a BUNCH of sewing material. I was like, *GASP*"GabriELLE! WHAT are you DOING?!" She was like, "Cutting thread. Danny wants to sew." *Sigh* Sewin' material ain't exactly thread,LOL. So now I have ruined sewing...scraps I guess. Anyway, then Tuesday I played at the hospital. Wednesday I had rep class and piano lessons. Yesterday I had trio practice and I went to Mall of America and went to see the winners of the Thursday Musical afterwards. Then on Saturday, I have two competitions. The WMTA-Badger State Auditions and a competition at Northwestern in the afternoon. I'm really praying that I'll pass the theory test this year. That's what's held me back these past two years. It's like...I can't make it to state because I REALLY stink at theory,LOL. Speaking of which...I need to study for it. Later,
sweetggirl

I Am

By Nicole Nordeman. This song really encouraged me.

Another prayer....

I heard this prayer on a message online today. I'm not sure who wrote it, but it was some saint. And right now, I'm pretty...not really sad, or down, or happy but.....I guess content. And this prayer is definately a quote for me to keep in mind. I might even write it on my wall,LOL. Here it is:

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, and Thy glory in my valley.

Also, a few days ago, I came across this verse in Proverbs, and it really inspired me. Mainly because it gets REALLY annoying hearing people (whether at the Conservatory, or friends from Interlochen, or whoever) constantly BRAG about how good they are at music or art or whatever else. Or...maybe it's not even verbally bragging, but...they carry this huge pride chip around on their shoulders. And it's VERY evident. Like...sometimes actions speak louder than words. And the verse (Proverbs 27:2) says this, "Let another man praise you and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." And I guess that this is definately a prayer for me, because I pray that the Lord will forever keep me from bragging about anything, whether it be grades, or music, or whatever else. Because whatever I have is only a gift from the Lord. Like Galations 6:14 says, "But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Later,
sweetggirl

An inspiring prayer

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit down, so out of sheer....well, frustration I guess, I went ballistic and started writing on my wall with chalk. I found myself writing Psalm 139:13,"I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Thy works and that my soul knoweth right well." It's like....at points, it's hard for me to realize that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Like...I forget that the Lord created me how He wanted to make me or something. And...when I complain, basically I'm shouting out to the Lord, "Hey, I don't like the way You made me. Now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to make myself look different.", rather than, "Lord, I will PRAISE You because You have made me wonderfully." or something like that. And I also wrote the fighter verse of my life, Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Then, I thought about an inspiring prayer I read about while looking for diaries on Thursday, hence the title of my post. I think it's sorta sad that it's known for alchoholic recovery people. I think it is very inspiring for everybody. It is also known as the Serenity Prayer, and I wrote it on my wall. It goes like this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next.Amen.

And then on Friday I played at Hope Academy in Minneapolis. It went REALLY well! And I really enjoyed it. Apparently, the kids did too, which made me really happy. One girl was like, "If you become famous, will you remember me? My name is.....*I forgot her name*" but it was SO SWEET! And if some lady ever comes up to me thirty years from now IF the Lord works it out where I am a concert pianist and asks me do I remember her, I WILL. I mean, I remember her face...just not her name. Anyway, that was encouraging. Well, this is long. Later,

Busy busy busy....

Well, this week has been great. REALLY busy for me, but great. I FINALLY got my SAT scores back, and it went okay, thank the Lord! A little better than I thought. So yeah. And I've practiced piano A TON this week. Yesterday, I practiced 7 hours, which is my record...and I don't think I'll be breaking that record for at least a couple of years,LOL. On Tuesday, I played at the hospital again, and that is ALWAYS a joy. On Thursday, I had practice with the trio and stuff......and today I played at a new coffee house in River Falls. Well, the coffee house isn't exactly new...sorta new...I think it's been there for about 2 years or something. But it's my first time playing there...and it was GREAT! And I had this REALLY good mocha thingymabob. I asked if they had anything mocha-y-ish, and they asked if I wanted caramel, vanilla, or chocolate and....I LOVE CHOCOLATE....so I got it for the first time EVER and it was SOOOOO good. Like a dream,LOL. I mean, I've had mocha shakes, mocha milk, and made my own "mocha" stuff but NOTHING was as good as this thing. Anyway...I have my first piano competition in almost exactly two weeks and I don't even have my piece memorized yet! I've been putting it off WAY too long. But I'll pray about it. It seems like I'm ALWAYS running up to the wire on memorization of my pieces, and the Lord always comes through. Like last year....I had Clair de Lune memorized like 3 days be4 my audition at Interlochen (4 days be4 the WMTA competition) and prayed about it and the Lord came through for me! So yeah. Anyway....that's all that's new. Later,
sweetggirl

.........Title.........?

Well, the concert on Thursday went surprisingly well! And I was really thankful for that. Although the harpsichord was still SO WEIRD. The main keys were black, and the sharps/flats were white! So yeah, then we went out to eat at the St. Paul Grill which was pretty awesome. And I was able to get to know the people in the Baroque Ensemble at the Conservatory which was really cool. So yeah. And then on Thursday, I was reading my daily reading thingy from my daily Bible and Psalm 19:7-14 was the Psalm reading for the day(it has OT, Psalm, Proverbs, and NT readings each day). Psalm 19:7-14 really seemed to comfort me. But what struck me the most was verse 14, which says, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heard be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer." And I've heard that verse SO MANY times before, but what hit me was the fact that alot of times, the words of my mouth (or the words I type through e-mail, IM, facebook, etc.) and the meditations of my heart are NOT acceptable to the Lord. They are filled with worry, fear, anxiety, or frustration. And it also hit me that David was a person, just like me. And why else would he write that verse unless he realized that it is a CONSTANT battle to have pure thoughts, words, motives, etc.? And it IS a battle. One that's much harder than APPEARING on the outside to have pure thoughts, words, and motives. But it also brings out the fact that, as mentioned in the Bible so many other times, what is in one's heart is what really matters. Not the acts we may put on on the outside. Anyway......I'm still doing the conservatory search. I'm starting to think Julliard...but....sigh. I just don't know! And if I DIDN'T get accepted, what would I do? I mean, it's not like I can perfect 20 songs so that I'll have a portfolio to send to each conservatory! All of their requirements are different. I guess I'll just pray about it. Later,
sweetggirl

Interesting devotion......

It's amazing how timely some of the devotions I read out of Joni Eareckson Tada's book "Pearls of Great Price" are. Yesterday, after all of my complaining about being so overwhelmed, I read the devotion for January 31st, titled "Overwhelmed". I immediately thought, "Hey, that's my name!" So anyway, she was talking about 1 Corinthians 10:13. It's funny, because I have ALWAYS thought that that verse said that God will not give you more than you can bear. However, I have SO often misquoted that verse. It actually says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." The main paragraph that hit me was," First Corinthians 10:13 is certainly a promise - but it isn't talking about trials. It's talking about temptation. The promise is that God will always, always give you the power to say no to sin. But when it comes to heartaches, physical problems, dissapointments-things out of your control, difficult circumstances suddenly thrust upon you- you may very well be overwhenlmed beyond what you can bear. There is a kind of suffering that rips your world apart and leaves you bewildered and wounded. There are trials that overwhelm. " Then in the following paragraph, she does give a sense of comfort, saying, " It's when we are at the end of our strenght...that's when we fall helplessly into the everlasting arms of God. That's when God floods our hearts with sustaining grace." And so that's made me a bit more cheerful. And today, I realized that this complaining really isn't good. Sure, I'm stressed, but why should I carry the things the Lord has given me as burdens rather than as privileges? This post is long again,LOL. Later,
sweetggirl

Stressed to the max

This week has been REALLY rough for me. I already wrote about how tough Sunday was, and it has only gotten worse. On Monday, my piano lesson went absolutely TERRIBLE! I forgot literally EVERY piece and I've had all of them memorized for at least a month. And the one piece that I've had memorized for 6 months (which I'm playing this Saturday for the Thursday Musical...which my teacher is the president of...so if I do bad, I feel like I'm ruining her reputation), I forgot. Completely. I had to turn back in my book and look up like EVDRY SINGLE PHRASE! I told my teacher I didn't know what was up, and she said that maybe it's just the pre-performing syndrome where you have this "I-CAN'T-DO-THIS-PERFORMANCE-I-DON'T-KNOW-THE-PIECE" sorta thing going on in the back of your head. Sigh. Then, she mentioned a camp at Northwestern college that she was excited about telling me about, and (since I did some research on camps last week) I told her about this camp at Eastman which I was really excited about telling her about. I did tell her thankyou for the pamphlet about the Northwestern college camp, but I'm afraid that I came off as a bit of an ungrateful brat or something. Sigh. And I did send her another thankyou e-mail, but that's still been bugging me. Then Tuesday, I was still overwhelmed with the piano stuff. And Wednesday. And today I had practice at the St. Paul Conservatory, and I KEPT MESSING UP on simple parts and we play for the Schubert Club next Thursday! YIKES! Plus I'm playing on a harpsichord at the concert next Thursday....and that's another big stresser because I played the harpsichord today and the keys are TINY (like...MAYBE 3 inches long or something) and you hafta press REALLY hard to even get a sound, and you can't play any loud/soft dynamics on a harpsichord no matter how hard you press! And if you press too lightly, you get no sound at all! So.....I'm just really stressed out. However, I did talk to Josh and he really encouraged me by reminding me that I'm not playing for my teacher's fame or anything, but it's all about Christ. So that's what I will pray about focusing on throughout the next few weeks. Later,
sweetggirl

Life in general is just plain hard....okay, AND very confusing

Well, I did take the SAT yesterday. I think and hope that it went well....IDK though. I guess I'll find out when I get my results back. Yesterday was quite tiring though. Like.....serious brain overload. Like after the first half hour (or, okay, the first ten minutes even), I got really sidetracked and started thinking about stuff TOTALLY not pertaining to the SAT. And I TRIED to get myself to focus, but despite my efforts, I kept having these random thoughts. And then I read the sentences in the grammar stuff. It was like reading French. I couldn't make much sense out of it, but tried to manage to make sense out of it...if that makes any sense. However, I DIDN'T bring fudge or ice cream or red bull to the test and stuff. And I managed to turn off my light (WITHOUT sneaking and writing in my diary with my cell phone flashlight) before 10:30 the night before the test. Yay for me! So yeah. Then today we visited a different church again. Which I don't mind anymore I guess. I mean, now it's like sorta habit I guess.....so yeah. The "worship" songs were Christian Rock though. I mean, I knew like two of the songs, but...I will admit that it was innapropriate for a worship service. Like, the guitarist was awesome, but all you could think about was how well he was jamming on his electric guitar, not about Christ or anything. And then communion time came. And, okay, I haven't been to a communion service since I started this gluten-free stuff. So once my mom passed me the plate with bread chunks on it, I asked her "Mom, what am I supposed to do?" She just shrugged her shoulders. I don't think that she heard me. Then I passed it to Aaron, and he looked like concerned, not realizing that I wasn't taking it because I couldn't. Sigh. Then I seriously wanted to cry. And my eyes did get teary. Which messed up my eyeliner. Like I cared. I was just happy that I didn't end up outbursting in sobs. But I did learn that I should carry a gluten-free cracker in my Bible at all times. So yeah. And the message was okay....but just okay. Like, the pastor really put things in perspective for me. He was talking about how very few of us would give up eating, but how often most of us neglect feeding ourselves spiritual food. He showed a picture of this guy that stopped eating for 60 days. Then he said that most of us don't eat spiritually more than once per week. And as I know, for some, it could be never. So how spiritually malnourished are alot of professing believers? And if a person had an army, surely they wouldn't put out guys on the front lines who ate once a week. The army would get killed. Yet as believers, we engage in spiritual warfare every single moment of our lives, and how often do we feed ourselves spiritually? A "candy" spiritual book like what I like to read (and not like those are bad, because Christian literature is definately important, it just shouldn't take the place of God's Word)? Or feasting on the Bible, spiritual food, God-breathed inspiration and revelation? Anyway....this is really long. Sorry. Later,

AHAHA! OH MY GOSH! This is so funny...describes how to ace the SAT...NOT!,LOL

ROTFLMBO...while being lame...and getting ready to study for the SAT this Saturday, I was gonna tune into some youtube music (I know, I know, TERRIBLE study habit that my mom consistently tries to break, but...ya know....it makes studying more....relaxing..?) and it's SOOOOO funny. Oh my gosh,LOL. ROTFLMBO

This song is like....my life's theme song,LOL

Okay, my two favorite lines in this song are "I studied classical piano when I could've been playing guitar" (because I sorta have a tendency to wanna just...go punk for a while and I think that guitar is "cooler" than piano,LOL) amd "I don't care how I'm supposed to do my hair" because...well, I have some pretty wild hair days....like I care,LOL.

Not Cool- Scott Krippayne (I think that's how you spell his last name,LOL)

I absolutely love this song

And I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's like....the song is describing me or something. IDK. But it's really encouraging to me...or maybe I'm jsut weird,LOL.

Frail- Jars Of Clay

Missing Josh like CRAZY!

Okay, Josh just left this morning....but I'M SO SAD! :( Surprisingly, I didn't cry this morning when I said bye. I guess that there's a first time for everything though. Including not crying when he SLOWLY leaves the car. But I won't be seeing him until probably the middle of June this year, and maybe not even then, depending on what I do this summer.Sigh. He has seriously been a huge source of spiritual encouragement to me though. So yeah. I MISS HIM! Oh well, so tis life....enough complaining. So yeah. But I'm seriously starting to reconsider some "future" life plans. Like....I have planned since like fifth grade to go to the same college Josh is going to in California. Maybe because I've never seriously investigated anything else. Maybe simply because I want a change in climate because I want warm weather. But now I'm starting to think that maybe I should go to a Conservatory. And I'm not sure why. I mean, it's TOTALLY opposite my plans. I mean, all of the good consevatories are on the east coast with cold weather in the winter and....IDK. Maybe it's a God thing. Or maybe I'm just being really lame and two months from now I'll be positive that I wanna still go to the same college in California. Something to pray about I guess. But the thing is, if I do plan on going to a Conservatory, I'll hafta start working on a portfolio and stuff. Sigh. Alot to consider. Anyway, today I went shopping (yay for me...I might go again tomorrow too, so I'm excited!) and my mom and I also ate dinner with one of her friends. And that was the first time I've eaten out with this wheat-free stuff. My mom's friend was all concerned that all I would eat is a salad, and the waitress kept running back and forth listing off the ingredients that were in each item. I felt like a total nuisance. Other than that, NM has happened today. I'm extremely tired though bc I woke up at 4 a.m. (yawn), so....I'll stop typing. :D Later,
sweetggirl

I really don't have a title for this post, LOL :)

So, lately I've been really busy...I'm not sure what with. But I have been doing some crazy-cool stuff with Josh. We've been snowboarding down the driveway (yes, on ice). And today, Josh had this "great" idea. He told me to hop on the back of the snowboard (yup, with HIM having the straps, and me just standing on the edge). Kay, I know that it was REALLY dumb for me to do it, but...for some reason, when people ask me to do really crazy stuff, I do it. So anyway, I did it, and Josh decided to hop off, leaving me on the back with NO STRAPS. Then I tried to hop off....without snow around (so basically, I jumped on the ice, unlike Josh, who, when he jumped off had the snow as a cusion). That didn't work too well because obviously, I had like no traction. So I slid, and ended up coming to an abrupt stop where there was no ice and there were just rocks and I got cut through my jeans (um, no, I didn't wear my snowpants,LOL). My mom was all like, "What has gotten into you? You used to be so prissy and now you're like a little tomboy." in this joking tone of voice. So yeah. And then we went shopping and I BEGGED my mom to go to saver's because they had skiis. So Josh and I bought 2 pairs of skiis, 2 pairs of poles, and one pair of ski boots, all for under $30! I'm not kidding! And the skiis look sorta girly, so I'm happy about that. So yeah. Anyway, yesterday, I was reading the story about Lot and stuff and....whenever I read that story, I just am so shocked that Lot didn't go out and evangelize to the city. I mean, the Bible doesn't say that he knew that the Lord would save the city for the sake of 10 righteous people, but still...you'd think that he'd have been evangelizing like the whole time. Which really convicted me. I mean, for some reason, it seems SO HARD for me to evangelize to my nonbelieving "friends" who I keep in contact with. It's like, I don't know where the fine line is between simply evangelizing, and cramming the Bible down someone's throat. I know that I'm supposed to be lead by the Spirit, and that will solve everything, but it's still difficult to know how much is too much. And it's like no one ever mentions anything remotely spiritual to me that would give me a chance to use for evangelism! And like...when they mention stuff that's perverted, what do you say? After all, the Bible tells us not to judge those in the world, but to only hold believers accountable. Anyway, I have this poem that I'm writing for school, and going back and forth between poetry and writing in this blog isn't really working for me,LOL. Later,
sweetggirl

SAT stands for....Super-difficult Academic Tests

I will be taking the SAT on January 26th. I'm sorta nervous...even though it's like a month away. I mean, to a degree, I realize that the numbers don't measure my capability TOTALLY, but they do sorta determine where I can go in life. So I'm nervous about that and I will pray about it. But since I'm taking it, I'll hafta spend less time on the computer :(. I'm not too happy about that....but hey, something has to give, and it can't be piano because competition season is coming up so I have to practice, practice, practice, practice, practice....kay, you get my point. But I've been reading this book called "The Power of a Praying Tenn". It's REALLY good and really encouraging. One thing really hit me. And that is that we don't have to let our emotions control us. The chapter was talking about taking our minds captive. And usually I think of that as guarding my mind from sinful influences. But the author really hit home when she said that just because we FEEL down or depressed or fearful or whatever, we don't have to let that take control of our lives and continue to walk in depression, or fear, or anything like that. Instead we have to take it to the Lord and let him help us through those times and if we are not feeling down, depressed, or guilty because of sin in our lives, we need to ask him to take those feelings away. And I thought about the verse somewhere in Psalms, where David asks the Lord, "Restore to me the joy of my salvation." I really need to keep that verse in the front of my mind, because it is SO easy to be burdened by feelings of anxiety and whatnot for no reason inparticular. So yeah. *Stepping off of my soapbox* I'm REALLY excited though, bc tomorrow, we are going to the church that we used to go to before we moved in Minnesota, and afterwards, we are going over to a friend's house who I haven't seen in three years! I'm so excited! Plus, one of my friends from camp who is a percussionist (who aslo told me he wants to be a pastor) is performing at Carnegie Hall! I'm dead serious! Crazy stuff. Lucky guy! And then Monday, I start a new semester with school....dum dum dum dum.....Anyway, I hafta study for the SAT, so I better get going. Later,
sweetggirl