Craziest Year Ever

Wow. So it's December 31st, 2011. I can't believe how crazy this year has been. I know I haven't posted on here in a while, and for good reason. I got married on October 8th, and still continued the semester in college, alongside working at the gym. It's been really busy. My new name is "Rachel Lonetti", and I have yet to find another Rachel Lonetti (yes, I've googled and facebooked my new name, and it's the only one I can find....pretty cool feeling :D). So, as I sit with a cold (typical me - my new hubby has lovingly adjusted to my frequent sicknesses) on New Year's Eve and my hubby is at  work, I'm reflecting on this past year. It's been a crazy one. I met him about a year and two days ago. I remember praying on my 18th birthday that I would meet my hubby before I turned 19. And not only did I meet him, I married  him almost 3 months ago. Last January 1st, I barely knew Joe. My family had his parents over for New Year's dinner. He had tried to show signs of interest, but at the time, I was trying really hard NOT to. He thought I was 16 and didn't think it'd work - I thought he was 24 and didn't think it'd work. When he found out I was 18, he figured it could work if only I weren't so career focused - when I found out he was 27, I figured it could work if only he were younger, or if he saw that I would be willing to be less career focused. Somehow, the Lord put us together despite the insane impossibilities. I went back to Westminster Choir College ready to complete another semester; a week later, I transferred home and began a relationship with Joe on Valentine's Day, 2011 (he's such a romantic). We got engaged on April 3, 2011 (and I found out later that he actually bought my ring on April Fool's Day - so much like Joe :D). We've definitely had our ups and downs already, but we both realize how human and fallen we both are, and that has helped us resolve most of our conflicts fairly quickly. We don't expect perfection of each other because we know we aren't perfect. We may not have a lot in the world's eyes, but we have more than we could ever want in each other and in the Lord. And it's been great. As to our goals for this upcoming year, I want to get the house organized. It's really interesting being a new wife - I know how to organize my own stuff, but throwing cleaning supplies, food, Joe's clothes, food storage containers, towels, etc. into the mix is difficult. There are way more things to organize, and it's not like I can always just go out and buy all of the storage stuff that I want. And budgeting is a new concept to me - I coupon and look for sales, whereas Joe doesn't have a tendency to do that - he just budgets. Which is why I think we're good for each other. Combining the two concepts has been interesting to work through, but it's a good process. We also want to create a demo - we've written a couple of songs together, and even with just keyboard sound effects and drum stuff, some of our stuff sounds pretty sweet. We can't wait until we can finally get into the studio. We probably need to write two more good songs, and then we'll be ready to record. In the meantime, I'm going to work on getting a certification in both pilates and latin dance (aka Zumba) so that I can start teaching classes this spring. And yes, I'm going to continue with college. I'll be taking 14-15 credits this upcoming semester, in addition to working and teaching classes (not to mention practicing, which is a full time job in and of itself). So this upcoming few months will be quite hectic. And then of course, there's the dreaming part - we're saving up for a house, and I'm starting to piece together what I want our dream home to look like (and thankfully both Joe and I have the same taste - modern and classic - so hopefully we'll be able to find something in that style). But back to reflecting - this year has been great. Meeting a complete stranger, falling in love, and getting married. It's almost like a movie.  And I'm so grateful - 2011 is definitely a year that I'll never forget.

Later,
     Rachel Lonetti

Closer

The wedding is exactly 68 days away. 2 months and 8 days until I say, "I do". It's absolutely crazy. And crazy busy too. I've felt over-stressed; it's almost like I'm in a constant PMS state of mind, but for no reason. Poor Joey. :( The stress is definitely building. I'm constantly pressing Joe to start working on renovations. I'm still gathering details for the wedding itself. In the midst of all of that, I've forgotten that I'm starting another semester in a little over a month. Thankfully, I'm only taking 12 credits this semester, but as my future mother-in-law told me yesterday, that's still full time, and nothing to blink at when I'm in the midst of wedding prepping!

I'm also writing a lot more songs lately - songs that I can totally see getting on the demo Joe and I are doing this fall. It's like, my lyrics don't seem so KITSy/cheesy anymore. And they aren't just all about how I feel either. I feel like the Lord is really granting me the grace to write for Him in a way that's completely sincere and honest. I'm just not sure if I want the world to hear them because my heart and fears are totally in the songs. But I'm so excited to be collaborating with Joe! He's such an amazing drummer. And just in case you're curious as to what his drumming is/was like in his college days, here's a link to his ex-band's website (who he drummed for) - http://www.myspace.com/almostminorities! Almost Minorities also has a few songs on iTunes. Hopefully someday soon we'll be on iTunes too! :D

Later,
     Rachel

Ah..moremoremoremore

So less arguments means happier, more content me. There's still a lot of planning to go through still. Tiny things too. Like, truffle tasting. Who goes truffle tasting? Truffles are just supposed to be automatically yummy. Yet, tomorrow, I'm going to be spending (probably at least an hour of my life) some time tasting truffles for our wedding favors. We're also going to be giving out a cd of some favorite songs of ours, and we're going to collaborate and try to put some original songs on the cd as well. In fact, I've written 2 sets of lyrics that I think would make awesome songs, but I don't have a good melody for them yet - which is where Joe will come in.

Anyway, I've already posted my wedding website - now it's time to post pictures!! :) Joe and I had an engagement photo shoot about a month ago, and I've finally gotten time to upload the pictures online for the world to see. So, here's the link! You'll have to click on the "links to this post" thingymabob to be able to see the link:


http://www.kodakgallery.com/gallery/creativeapps/slideShow/Main.jsp?albumId=201275962213


Later,
Rachel

Scared

So tonight, I'm sitting in bed quite burdened. And scared. Honestly, I kinda considered running off and jumping on a plane and just going somewhere away from here. It's funny how a small misunderstanding can turn into something so ginormous that it makes me wonder. Wonder if this is right, wonder if I'm in the wrong, and wonder why I keep having these hurdles thrown at me. I trust that the Lord will never give me more than I can handle, but gosh. Sometimes, like now, I just want to go away. And it's like, I get into the whole "it's a wonderful life" way of thinking. Maybe had I not ditched all of my dreams, I wouldn't feel this way. Or maybe some people's lives would be a heck of a lot less complicated if I just vanished. Not died, but just like....left.

And then, a song comes on the radio (well, internet radio anyway) that reminds me of who God is. And how He knows my circumstances, and understands me, and sees into my heart. Tonight, that song was "I Am" by Nichole Nordeman. And I'm reminded of the Lord's providence in so many different areas of my life, and I trust that He will comfort me even in times like these. So I don't have to vanish - I can walk through life with confidence knowing that He has a purpose for my life that I can't always see. And it's kinda scary to feel like I'm running on a tightrope blindfolded. But in the end, I know that He'll be there waiting for me at the end of this "tightrope" called life. And I can't wait until the day that there isn't any more pain, or frustration, or arguing. But until that day, I'll keep running this seemingly endless tightrope blindfolded, knowing that there's a huge prize that awaits me at the end - namely eternity with my Comforter, my Best Friend, my God.

Different

Wow. I can't believe almost a month has whizzed by since my last post. :( Anyway, things are slowly but surely getting better. In the past few weeks, I've started to pray about the frustrations I'm facing, and my mindset is changing. Rather than thinking "I have SO MUCH TO DO!", I'm starting to think of this as the funnest, biggest party of my life, and I get to plan it. It totally changes my perspective. I'm also starting to feel a tad more plugged in at church, which is good. Afterall, I am marrying the pastor's son so....it'd be kinda more than depressing if I continued feeling completely like a jagged puzzle piece.But I'm realizing that a lot of the difficulty is just making time for people. When I don't make time for people when I'm busy, I can't expect them to just pop up when I'm not busy.

I'm really looking forward to being married though. Most of all, I'm looking forward to finally being able to host house parties, and Christmas parties, etc. Joe and I both have a great desire to be extremely hospitable, and I just can't wait to get the opportunity to do so. And even in my registry, all of the gifts are pretty much geared toward being a better, more organized hostess.

Anyway. As of today, I have exactly 3 months and 18 days until the wedding. My wedding. It's so insane. And so awesome. And I finally created a wedding website! Although it's not as cool as the blog, it has some nice pictures of Joe and I. The site is: http://www.weddingwire.com/josephandrachel1.

Later,
Rachel

Wedding overload

Ah, the wedding planning is starting to get to me a bit. It's like, I'm really excited, but I'm starting to feel like a bridezilla. So many choices, so many people not giving me enough time to make up my mind on the choices, and...ugh. It's just frustrating. To make matters worse, yesterday I totally booked a scammy cruise, thinking it would be a legit cruise for a honeymoon, and now I have to go through the trouble of filing scam/fraud papers. Ugh. I don't want to say I'm stressed out, because it's not like I'm not trusting the Lord in everything, or like I'm just so overwhelmed and can't handle it. It's just like, so much is going on at once. And I'm not exactly sure what to think of everything. I really want to be more excited about being engaged, and about the wedding. But with so much chaos, and so much to do and so little time, it's hard. And then, piano. Granted, like I mentioned in my last post, I realize that I basically tossed aside all of my dreams for my wonderful, amazing fiance. But I have to admit, it's hard at points. Like, I feel this longing to play for hours, but I know that I have to make time for him. Or like during the past couple of weeks, I have had more time to practice, and I fall in love with my pieces. I become more aware of how thrilling it is to be able to sightread through a sonata and not have to work at learning it. And then it hits me - oh yeah, I'm not learning this to build my repertoire to try to make it into Juilliard for grad school. And it's just weird - not bad, but weird. And then there's the fear of losing it. Like, what if after I graduate and I stop having lessons, I get pregnant and have kids and completely drop it? Ugh. Fear. I know I'm not supposed to be anxious for anything, but lately, I feel anxious for so many things. I just need to pray for patience, grace, and faith. And then there's the gnawing fear of being alone. I mean, part of the reason I left Wisconsin in the first place is because I felt so disconnected, like I didn't have any friends. And now I'm back. And truth be told, I still don't, other than my fiance. And it's difficult. But then again, maybe it's a good thing. Because I have such a tendency to be self-reliant. And by having to start out my married life without a lot of extra connections, it forces me to cling closer to the Lord, and it will continue to force me to become closer to my wonderful husband-to-be.

Later,
Rachel

Major Life Change

Wow. It's been like 5 months since I last wrote on here. And for good reason. Lots of major life changes have taken place. I've transferred colleges and moved back home. But not because college at Westminster was too hard, or because I was too homesick. I moved back home because I felt like this was where the Lord was leading me. I moved back home for the most wonderful man in the entire world, namely, my new fiance Joe! Yes, I'm engaged! And my wedding is set for October. It's funny because I was reflecting on my last post. I realize that saying "yes" to the proposal meant saying "no" to all of my past dreams. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm looking toward creating a music career with Joe. He's a drummer, and has always had a dream to be a traveling performing musician.

For now, I have to get off. But, over this summer, I will try to keep this blog updated!!!

Later,
Rachel

Trusting

Lately, I've had somewhat of a hard time trusting the Lord. I'll be honest - saying I'm going to be SO incredibly confident in what the Lord has given me isn't easy. For me, it's pretty much impossible. I guess that once again, I'm having a hard time not being the pilot of my life. And lately, it seems that not only have I given up piloting my life, but the Lord has also taken away most of my navigation skills too. For one of the first times in my life, I'm unsure of so many things. Example 1.) - there's this guy that's suddenly come into my life out of nowhere. I don't know him all that well, but he seems like everything I've ever prayed for. He's so Christ-like in his conduct, he's hilarious, he's a musician, and he's just generally cool. The only deal is, he's a bit older than me. Okay, more like, 9 years. On top of that, he goes to my church (like, my = Minnesota), and I'm in New Jersey 3/4 of the year. So, I considered transferring schools, thinking that maybe the Lord has a plan for him in my life. In fact, even though I wanted to go to Austria this summer, I held off, hoping that something might click between us if I'm home for three months. And I'm so unsure of what the Lord is doing, and what I'm supposed to do to follow His lead. There seems to be a ton of signs that this guy is IT. But I'm not sure if the Lord is simply using this guy to draw me closer to Him, and maybe this guy isn't for me at all. Example 2 - this summer, I'm staying home. I've had a couple of people come up to me to tell me that they'd love to help promote my music career. Sweet, huh? Like, I know of 3 different people I could go to in order to develop a demo. I know of a couple of people who want to promote me, and get performance opportunities too. And now, I'm unsure again. Unsure of if I should be a songwriter, or a classical pianist. I've come to understand that you know the Lord's will by staying close to Him - by walking with Him, fellowshipping with Him, repenting to Him, and spending time basking in His wondrous love and mercy. Yet, sometimes I feel like there's still this uncertainty. Like maybe my desires are still fleshly, because afterall, I am still human. I'm fallen, and even though I feel close to the Lord, what if I'm deceiving myself into believing that my desires are the Lord's? It's all so confusing to me. And trust. Oh, trust is so hard. I can sometimes understand why Peter sank in the ocean when he tried to walk on water. Yeah, he could see Christ standing right before his very eyes. But then again, so can I. I see Christ working all around me, and yet, I don't trust Him. How wrong of me! To sink into the depths of this world's murky water, and to seriously contemplate taking the dirty/earthly turds of earth instead of the beautiful, priceless heavenly rewards Christ has in store for me? But letting go and letting God is so hard.

I'm honestly not sure why I'm writing this post at 1:30 in the morning. I guess because I've been so sleepless the past few days. Maybe it's the full moon - it's awfully glowy. Or maybe it's my full heart - a heart full of burdens that I'd rather try to figure out than leave up to the Lord. Whatever the reason, I know that I'm harming my Temple by being so worried about everything. It's lead to insomnia, and my thoughts are consumed with these two stressers. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to sleep now.

Later,
Rachel

New Year!

Wow, it's been a while since I've written on here. College has swamped me with loads of stress and busyness. Working+practicing piano+practicing voice+being chair of the arts management association+Bible studies+classes+homework+calling home to talk to my mom for 2 hours every night = insane amounts of stress, and almost unbearable busyness.

So. New Year. This New Year, I literally forgot it was New Years' Eve until about 4 hours before the ball dropped. I didn't make any resolutions on New Years' night. But on Sunday, I made one. To know who I am as a musical artist, and to be confident in that. So much of my life has been consumed with trying to "beat out" people, or try to do things that are totally beyond my level. And for the first time in my life, I'm realizing, I can't always do it all. This past semester of piano taught me a lot. I decided to play the third movement of Beethoven's moonlight sonata, Bartok's piano sonata, and Chopin's etude in G-flat major, among a few other pieces. Chopin came along just perfectly. But Beethoven and Bartok.....that's another story. See, the note-reading was fine. I had the pieces memorized, but technically, I was unable to play them. Because I'm too weak, too small, and I play too delicately. And on Sunday afternoon, while sitting in my room debating on whether I should play the first or third movement of Ravel's Sonatine, whether I should play the third movement of the moonlight or the first movement of a simpler Beethoven sonata, I decided to stop with the overachieving. For the first time in my life, I'm entering a competition and I won't be "trying" to play pieces. They're easy enough where I'll be confident that I can play them well. And that's not an easy step for me. I feel like the music world has become somewhat of the gymnastics world - you have to be slender, you have to be pretty (or handsome if you're a guy), and it's not enough to play well. You have to push your hands to the extreme, play loud, fast, and have plenty of large chords in between. But I'm not built like that. I don't think that means I can't be a musician. Instead, I consider it a challenge. A challenge to change the way people view classical music. A person shouldn't have to do finger acrobatics to be considered a good musician. I mean, afterall, music is simply "an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color," right?

Later,
Rachel