So, I just got news to make this week seemingly the worst week of my life. Then again, maybe, just maybe, it's actually the best week of my life. I mean, the trials make you stronger, right? So I just opened an e-mail like twenty minutes ago. And my worst fear came true. Rejection. And, how do you deal with it? I mean, first I tried to act all calm. But I can't. For some reason, I can't stop crying. And I sorta thought about a C.S. Lewis quote, about how the only way you won't ever be heartbroken is if you lock up your heart and shut it and never let anyone into it, because at some time or another, if you truly love anyone, you will be hurt by them. And I think that's sorta the same way with hope, ya know? Like, the only way that you can guard yourself from being broken is by not hoping in anything. And originally, that was my plan. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn't just ex off Colburn. I couldn't just go on without any hope of making it in. And yes, that's the e-mail I'm talking about. A rejection letter from Colburn. So, now I'm somewhat shattered. I mean, how am I supposed to take not getting past a pre-screening even? At times like this, I sorta consider quitting music. Like, maybe this is just a sign that I should pursue something else, and God's only way of getting that across to me is to allow me to really mess up some recitals or competitions or get rejected from a measley pre-screening portion of a conservatory's audition process. I just don't know some times. But in the midst of it all, I do have faith that the Lord will work all things out better than I could ever imagine. Later,
Rachel
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Sunken Cathedral - Claude Debussy
This is a new fave Debussy piece of mine. I love it. I really really wanna play it someday. It's not too hard, but as of right now, my hands are way to little to reach all of the chords necessary to make it sound right. :( It's really relaxing. Great to listen to while doing hw,lol. Not your typical classical piece.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Road Not Taken
So lately, I've been contemplating alot. About various things. And Robert Frost's poem 'The Road Not Taken' has come to mind alot. Particularly the last 3 lines, which go, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." And like, I guess I just sorta think that of course providentially, I have taken the road less traveled by in my short 16 years here on earth. Like, at times, my life seems so....well, random. Like, so many quick decisions that, during the decision-making process seem really unfeasible, yet the Lord has worked everything out in my life. And at times, I wonder if I should've taken the road more traveled by; the road that's typical, or the road that seems to make sense. Like this weekend, I went ice skating and thought, I wonder if I should've stuck with ice skating, or ballet, or gymnastics. Taken the road more trod upon and stuck with that interest for as long as was physically possible. And I think of how I've jumped in and out of so many arenas, and at the time of making the decisions, I had no idea how in the world everything would work out. Yet, my random life has been planned ahead by the Lord, before the foundation of the world. Like Psalm 139 says, all of my days were written in God's book before time. And though at times my life seems so random that it seems that it's a miracle in and of itself that it hasn't totally fallen apart already, the Lord has ordained this "random" life of mine, and I know that all things will work together for me because I do love and trust Him, and He's promised that He will work all things together for our good and His glory if we truly love Him. And I can rest in that comfort. I've also been somewhat convicted lately on my lack of faith at times. Like, with Colburn specifically. I mean, I'm so anxious to get the results of my pre-screening audition. And I fear it will be rejection. And I've been telling my parents that all along, and they have gotten increasingly annoyed (or not really annoyed, more like....dissapointed) by my lack of faith and stuff. And finally, my dad told my mom on the phone one day, "Remind Rachel that she only had a 3% chance of surviving the meningitis and encephalitis illness that she had without being mentally disabled, deaf, or dead. And God is still the same now as He was at that point of time, and if it's His will, she can get accepted to Colburn." And he's so right. I mean, obviously I can't have the name-it-claim-it type deal where I say "I've got faith that I'll make it, so I will!", yet, I can't doubt God. And if He desires for me to be at Colburn, then I'll get accepted. And until I find out His will, there's absolutely nothing wrong with praying to get accepted somewhere I wanna go. So as I enter this month where I will receive my first round of results from Colburn, I will trust that the Lord knows where I need to go. Later,
Rachel
And that has made all the difference." And like, I guess I just sorta think that of course providentially, I have taken the road less traveled by in my short 16 years here on earth. Like, at times, my life seems so....well, random. Like, so many quick decisions that, during the decision-making process seem really unfeasible, yet the Lord has worked everything out in my life. And at times, I wonder if I should've taken the road more traveled by; the road that's typical, or the road that seems to make sense. Like this weekend, I went ice skating and thought, I wonder if I should've stuck with ice skating, or ballet, or gymnastics. Taken the road more trod upon and stuck with that interest for as long as was physically possible. And I think of how I've jumped in and out of so many arenas, and at the time of making the decisions, I had no idea how in the world everything would work out. Yet, my random life has been planned ahead by the Lord, before the foundation of the world. Like Psalm 139 says, all of my days were written in God's book before time. And though at times my life seems so random that it seems that it's a miracle in and of itself that it hasn't totally fallen apart already, the Lord has ordained this "random" life of mine, and I know that all things will work together for me because I do love and trust Him, and He's promised that He will work all things together for our good and His glory if we truly love Him. And I can rest in that comfort. I've also been somewhat convicted lately on my lack of faith at times. Like, with Colburn specifically. I mean, I'm so anxious to get the results of my pre-screening audition. And I fear it will be rejection. And I've been telling my parents that all along, and they have gotten increasingly annoyed (or not really annoyed, more like....dissapointed) by my lack of faith and stuff. And finally, my dad told my mom on the phone one day, "Remind Rachel that she only had a 3% chance of surviving the meningitis and encephalitis illness that she had without being mentally disabled, deaf, or dead. And God is still the same now as He was at that point of time, and if it's His will, she can get accepted to Colburn." And he's so right. I mean, obviously I can't have the name-it-claim-it type deal where I say "I've got faith that I'll make it, so I will!", yet, I can't doubt God. And if He desires for me to be at Colburn, then I'll get accepted. And until I find out His will, there's absolutely nothing wrong with praying to get accepted somewhere I wanna go. So as I enter this month where I will receive my first round of results from Colburn, I will trust that the Lord knows where I need to go. Later,
Rachel
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
