It's a small world afterall

It's funny how small the world really is. I guess it just starts to seem smaller the more I get to know other people. Like I think now I know at least one person in every continent in the world. And then, since I'm doing this literature on war class, it makes me realize how small the world is. And how people get into the dumbest arguments over the dumbest things. And how sometimes, those arguments turn into nations fighting against one another. And through that, nations are ruined. This small world is literally destroying itself. I mean, obviously there will never be world peace, because everyone in this world is fallen. Yet, it just seems like so many of the wars and confrontations of life are due to pride. Like, World War 2. Hitler decides he's gonna be the world's big bad guy and conquer everyone. It's linked to pride. The current war in Iraq was started by some guys who think that since the U.S. has more money, fame, power, etc. than them, they should try to destroy our economy and take whatever America has. And even the everyday quarrels. I know most of the arguments I get into are based on something I feel really strongly about, and even though I really dislike confrontation, I always want to be right. It's all pride. And it leads to the destruction of humanity. And as I'm coming up on this last stretch of my literature class, I'm realizing that war is pretty senseless. I mean, obviously, there are wars that have to be fought, but the reasons for war are always senseless. Unless you're talking about spiritual warfare of course. I know that my final paper in literature class will probably be an essay on the question,"What do you think defines a good war?" At the beginning of the class when I was asked this question, I said a good war was a war that was fought for a just cause, and a war that was fought because the leader of the country gave the lead to go fight. But at the end of this semester, I'm coming to the realization that nothing can define a good war. All war is bad, period. It doesn't mean I'm a pacifist, but war in and of itself is not good. In war, you're constantly killing other humans, regardless of whether or not they're your enemies. They are still other human beings who have lives outside of being soldiers. They still have wives, children, and relatives. They still have a desire to have a career, to know something outside of war. And in war, you practice deceit and lying to win. In war, you torture people in the most inhumane ways. Nothing can define a good war. As far as a necessary war goes, well, that I can define. That would be a war that is fought for a just cause; a war that is fought to defend your country and all of the rights and privileges that it posesses. I guess I just think about war more and more now that I'm studying it so in depth. And I read Psalm 2, which asks the question, "Why do the nations rage?" In the following verses, it talks about how God laughs at their raging. I asked my mom about it, and she desribed it this way to me. It's like having two little ants fighting about a breadcrumb that's on the ground. Finally, the ants stick up one of their little legs at you and start wiggling their little antlers and then start stomping on the ground, insinuating that since you didn't solve the quarrel, they're going to solve it themselves. And to a degree, it is comical. It's sad, but comical. The things we fight over in life are the breadcrumbs, whether they be money or fame or power or prestige or glory or honor. And when God doesn't give us what we want, we ball up our teeny little fists and shake them at God's feet and decide that since He won't give us every little thing we want, we'll solve our problems on our own through quarreling.Or through war. What we forget about are the treasures in life. His Word, His person, His holiness, His righteousness, His care for us as His children and as His creation. I'm not even sure why I wrote this post, but....I guess it's sorta like brainstorming. Just something that's been on my mind lately. How small this little world is. Later,
Rachel

Paralyzed by fear

I've always heard the phrase "paralyzed by fear", but I've never really understood that it could actually happen. Until yesterday. I had a performance, and I was really nervous about it. Like seriously, more nervous than I've ever been in my life. I was shaking all over, and once I finally adjusted the bench and started to play, I swear, my left hand froze on me. I can only remember playing a few correct notes throughout the whole piece. And honestly, it scared me. I never knew that fear could seriously paralyze someone, to the point where you no longer have control over it. I guess it really scared me because, I want to be a concert pianist. And yet,I have this profoud fear of people. I've written before about my fear of rejection, but it's like that fear extends into everything I do. Whether it's trying to write a paper based on what I think my professor wants to hear, or trying to get straight A's so that college admissions counselors will want me as a student, or playing the right notes on a stage in front of 100 people, I fear that if I do anything differently (e.g., have a few B's on my transcript or write a paper that is leaning towards my opinion, or messing up a couple of times on a stage), people are going to reject me. Or their perception of me will be ruined, or negative. And I constantly think of how Biblically, I'm not supposed to fear man at all. Yet, it's one of those things that seems easier said than done. I called my teacher afterwards and she told me of a few times that something similar had happened to her; and also of a lady who was a professional concert pianist who blanked out in the middle of a concert and stood in the middle of Orchestra Hall and said, "Sorry, I forgot the piece, I'll have to move on to the next piece." And she told me that the important thing is not to worry about me, or what I did wrong or right, but to focus on the music. From a Christian standpoint, I'd have to say it's about focusing on Christ. But perhaps my biggest problem is my struggle with perfectionism. Maybe because I've been in so many competitive arenas, or arenas where you're never good enough and there's ALWAYS something to work on (e.g. ice skating, gymnastics, piano), it's become a part of me to want to be perfect. And I fear that if I don't do something perfectly, I didn't do it to the best of my ability. Regardless, I guess it's all just something that I need to pray about. And I need to stop being so fearful. I need to start realizing that through my imperfections, the Lord shows His perfection, and humbles me and makes me realize that the only perfect thing I will ever have in life is Him.
Later,
Rachel

The election

Okay, I'm a day late, but still...the effects of the election will last at least four years, so....I'm still gonna write my thoughts on it. So I found out that Obama won by getting a text message from a friend who lives at a military academy (so he doesn't get any tv or internet....)in the middle of the night Tuesday night and he had heard rumors that Obama won, but he texted me to find out for sure. So I opened that text in the morning yesterday and listened to 100.3 and the announcer was like "Yes, the earth is still spinning on its axis even though Barack Obama has won the election." I was a bit dissapointed, but I didn't feel like "OH NO! THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD!" or anything like that. I guess I just realize first off that God is still God, regardless of who wins the election. I also realize that as a nation, America has rejected God. Psalm 33:12 says, "Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord", and I believe that the converse of that statement can also be assumed true. Anything that comes upon this nation that we would consider bad or unfortunate is totally deserved. Judgement is long overdue. However, the Lord may or may not choose to use Obama as a tool for His judgement. Perhaps He has a plan to work through Obama for the better. And really, our lives are a bit like chess in the sense that we are all pawns for God's purposes. He will win the spiritual battle in the end, and regardless of who is president, His purposes will be established. And ultimately, this world is going to end. Our goal as believers isn't to fret about who is president, but to get the good news of God's salvation out, to share it with others, to live lives that reflect Christ and His goodness and grace before He comes back for us. So in the end, it doesn't matter whether the US crashes and burns in the next four years or if it crashes and burns with the rest of the world in the far future. I guess to sum this whole post up, to use my dad's terms, it really isn't about who's in the white house, it's all about Who is on the throne. Later,
Rachel