Trusting the Lord isn't always easy....or finding hope in the midst of rejection...

So I auditioned to be an accompanist for the Minnesota Youth Symphonies on Friday.And I got my rejection letter yesterday. And honestly, that was the first time I've actually cried over not winning something that has to do with piano. I actually told my mom that maybe this is a sign that I need to go into something else for college. She wasn't too convinced and tried to encourage me. I guess I just feel like if I couldn't get a spot when I'm only competing against two other people, why in the world would I audition for a conservatory? Yet, I feel like David in the sense that the Lord can work through my smallness to show His greatness. After all, it seems like I have everything against me. My hands are small and I'm a girl, and those are just two things that I have against me as far as piano is concerned. There aren't too many female concert pianists, and most pianists have much larger hands. But I feel like music is what I'm called to do. And I thought about how the director of the music horizons program at Eastman said that the founder of Eastman actually had students coming up to him all the time to ask him if he thought that they should pursue music. He apparently always said no. In a pamphlet that we were given, it was explained why he said no. He said that if a person was a true musician, that they wouldn't let anyone else deter them from music and nothing could take them away from music. As a Christian, I wouldn't say that nothing could take me away from music (e.g., I could get tendonitis or carpel tunnel syndrome...) or that I'm gonna barge my way through the music world, but I feel that this is something the Lord has laid on my heart and regardless of where I go with music , the Lord will use me. Even through my smallness. Also, at a luncheon I played for this week, an elderly lady told me that she knew a man who went to college for another degree besides music because although he loved music, he felt like he couldn't make it in music. Then he graduated, and wasn't content with his work, so now he's going back to college for a music degree. And she told me to not give up on music too...before the thought even crossed my mind. So although right now I honestly don't think I'll make it into a really good conservatory, I can trust that the Lord knows where I need to be and which college or conservatory would be best for me and He'll let me get accepted wherever He sees I could honor Him more. Later,
Rachel

Back home....and missing people like mad

Overall, I must say that my experience at Eastman was really good. Way better than Interlochen. Well, I guess that the TEACHING at Eastman was better, but I think with Eastman's program only being 3 weeks long, I didn't become as close to them as I did to my Interlochen friends. I did make a few close friends though, and for the first time in like 5 years, I finally was able to sing in front of people without getting extremely nervous. I guess I just started to get used to it after singing a ton with the guy I was accompanying and by the time I had to sing solo for voice class, I was really prepared. And I learned a ton there too. I will definately be applying there, but right now, I have to decide whether I should go for music education or piano performance. Both my private lesson teacher and the director of the program told me that I could get in as a music education major, but if I audiitioned for piano performance, it could go either way. So I'm really praying about it. I don't really want to learn how to play all of the instruments that are in the orchestra, because that will really take away alot of my piano time. Plus, I would have more gen-ed requirements as a gen-ed major. Yet, I don't wanna be stuck without a good college to go to by applying for performance. And according to the Dean at Eastman, it's best to apply right when the application opens online (which is September 1st), so I only have like a month to decide. :( Anyway, I should probably get off the computer. Later,
Rachel