My life is SO in the hands of God

Well, today has been a very interesting day. At least the beginning of it. So I woke up at about 5:30 a.m. with terrible lung cramps. I haven't experienced them so badly since I was 8 years old. It's a really weird feeling, like....whichever lung hurts, it feels like it's like stuck or something. And when I try to breathe in, I get this intensely sharp pain, like someone is stabbing me or something. And this lasted for 20 minutes this morning. But honestly, I'm thankful for experiences like that. I mean, I seriously felt like I was dying. And I felt totally helpless too. Like, I was suffocating because of pain, and yet there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't call my mom because I felt like it'd waste my breath, and she couldn't do anything anyway. So, I sat there and started crying not because I was scared of dying or anything, but because I thought about how quick life is. And how, so often, I take breaths, moments, days, or even years for granted. I take experiences for granted. And I also take people for granted. And I was thinking, if I die, how will people remember me? Who will I be remembered for? A "nice" girl? Or as some guy at Eastman told me after knowing me for a week, "a typical goody-two-shoes Christian girl"? A girl who gave up like every normal highschool experience for piano? Or, will I be remembered as a Christian? And not just a goody-two-shoes. But, a true Christian? A girl who REALLY spread the love of Christ, not a girl who just followed all of the rules? And I also thought about how quickly people are forgotten. I mean, I've only known two people who have died, neither who were very close to me, but when my grandma and great uncle died, it was like, they were in conversation for about a month. And then....they're rarely brought up in conversation anymore. And they are sorta forgotten, but at the same time, whatever memories or impressions I have of them, they're passed down to me from my parents' insight into their characters. Anyway, I guess that my 20 minute experience to what felt near death for me was amazing. I felt what I haven't felt in 8 years. That my life is truly in the hands of God, and that I can trust Him with anything: whether it be what college I go to, or my next breath. Later,
Rachel

Roller Coaster

So lately my life has been really hectic. Funny how that happens. Like, for a few months, my life is SO BORING and nothing new happens. Then all of a sudden.....KABAM! I get whapped in the face with extreme busyness. So, as you all know, I got rejected from Colburn. So, the next step was to apply somewhere else. So, I applied to Oberlin, the Conservatory that I've REALLY wanted to apply to all along. So, a week after my Colburn rejection (and like 4 days after completing my application), my parents and I went to Oberlin for an audition. Regardless of what happens, it's really a miracle that I was able to apply and audition. The deadline to submit the Oberlin application was December 1,2008. On top of that, all of the live auditions were said to be full, so no more live auditions could be scheduled. Yet, the Dean gave me permission to apply AND schedule a live audition. And it was really nice because once I got there, before I went into my audition, he gave me a hug and said that he hopes I can make it in. And all of the people there were really really nice. They tried to make the audition experience enjoyable and not nervewracking. I'm not sure what the audition commitee was looking for....or exactly how my audition went (I did the audition a day after getting sick...fever and all, so I had 2 doses of NyQuil the day before my audition, and the symptoms of a cold....and I ended up getting some arm muscle strain that felt like tendinitis a few days before the audition), but because of all of the hurdles that I had to jump to do the audition, it's a blessing and a miracle that I was allowed to do it. I should find out by the end of this month whether or not I was accepted.And then I'm also going to be applying to the Chicago College of Performing Arts. And I've already applied to Swarthmore and Westminster Choir College, so if all of those fall through, or if for some reason I decide not to go to one of those colleges, then I'll probably apply to the University of Arizona and the University of New Mexico. I know, random universities, right,lol? But I think that it'd be awesome to be in a really warm climate with tons of diversity. There's something that's really cool to me about meeting people from all over the world like I did at Interlochen and Eastman. It just reminds me that the US isn't all that exists in the world, and it's so easy to get caught up in the American comfort zone and forget that there are billions of other people out there who have our same interests and life goals. And it's REALLY neat to meet other Christians from other places around the world. Anyway, yesterday I ended up failing my road test for driver's ed. But oh well. So tis life I guess. I also had another Master Class. That was fun, but I definitely didn't do half as good as I could have, so that was discouraging. And I had a piano competition last weekend. I did make it to finals (PRAISE THE LORD!), which means that out of all of the competitors from 9-12th grade who competed in the Young Artist competition all around Minnesota (and possibly a few kids from North/South Dakota, Iowa, and Wisconsin who have teachers who live in Minnesota and are memebers of MMTA), I was in the top twelve! So I was really thankful for that because this year has been somewhat discouraging with piano. And I get to play Dvorak's Slavonic Dance No. 6 at an Honor's Concert at Northrop Auditorium @ the U of Minnesota at the end of May (and I get to wear a formal evening gown too!!!!)! The Lord can encourage even in the midst of discouragement. Well, I better get back on recording my pieces for Chicago's audition. Later,
Rachel