The World....

"Taking, as He did, this sinful world,as it is, not as I would have it...."
Sometimes those words echo in my mind. Times like tonight. Times when I get fed up with the huge amount of sin weighing in on me. I was in the middle of watching a movie with some friends when we started discussing all of the sin-issues on campus. Of course, none of my friends will label them as sin issues. Just "differences" or "abnormalities". But at points, I get fed up, and I have to leave the social circle to read the Bible, or to pray, or simply to reflect on what the Lord's purpose for me here on earth is. So why am I so agitated? And what sin topics arose? Things like who's bisexual or homosexual. The different drugs and pills people are using. The different drinks people are drinking. The lady who killed her husband out of self-defense, yet works here. I stepped away from the conversation for a couple of minutes after having all of this unloaded on me. And don't get me wrong; I do somewhat like to hear about what's going on on campus so I know who are the okay people; the people I can chat with, or study with, or hang out with. I also like to know who the "bad" people are; the people who drink, do drugs, smoke, are known to be extremely immoral, etc. Here, I don't have a choice to be choosy about having Christian friends, unfortunately. It's a matter of picking the people who aren't involved in as much sin, or the people who have respect for their parents and for their elders, or the people who work hard, etc. And again, don't get me wrong. I've been blessed to have a great group of friends to chill out with. It just gets tough sometimes. And sometimes, I do get that longing for heaven; for a place of no more sin. A place of fellowship.

Another thing that really irks me is how there is SUCH an emphasis on success here. So again, tonight, we were talking, and this one "wonder-guy" came up in conversation. Basically, he does it all. He's an amazing pianist, amazing vocalist, senior class president, from a rich family, he himself makes a lot of money (so much that he has money left over after paying his tuition every year), all while maintaining a solid 4.0 GPA. And all of those are great things. It's not like I'm jealous at all. I'm happy for people who have it so great. Very happy. But only if they are truly happy; only if their source of joy comes from the Lord and not something as shallow as the money or the fame. And after about two months of stifling my mouth every time I heard this guy's name mentioned and all of his "wonderfulness", I spoke up tonight unable to bear anymore. I was like, "You know, that's all great and stuff, but honestly, I wouldn't trade the life I have for his. At least I'm happy. And I'd much rather be happy than have all of that. " Immediately, my friends wanted to argue that he's happy too. I argued, "No, he's not. You look at him when he passes. He always looks sad. Or simply emotionless. Or stressed. But he never smiles. He's never happy. And he doesn't have a personality. And [I couldn't help but add] he's really not attractive at all." Naturally, my whole group of friends rose up to defend him once more with the excuse, "Well, he's that way because he's so stressed about keeping up with everything." So I added, "Exactly. And I'd much rather be happy than have to be stressed in order to have all of that. And there's so much more to life than riches and fame and perfect GPA's. There's happiness too." Of course, none of them understood what I was talking about. One of my friends said, "Um, not really." and everyone else but me nodded in agreement. I again said, "Yes, there is." and remained practically silent for the following ten minutes out of sheer aggravation. And frustration. And a little bit out of sadness too. Sad that they can't see anything more to life than that. Sad that to them, the best thing in life will be to make it to the Met, or to be in the New York Philharmonic. Sad that they're missing out on the joys of salvation, grace, happiness, contentment, and love that can only come from Christ all in exchange for the next dollar, or for the next status "up".

So I left. I left frustrated, and pondering. And immediately, the song "Lose My Soul" by TobyMac jumped in my head. And I tried to remember the verse that song was written after. So I looked it up. Mark 8:36-37 says, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" And I realized for the first time in my life that it's a daily battle to remind myself of that verse. Especially during stressful academic times (like those that come around finals week...). It's very difficult to keep focused that the Lord is my light and my salvation; that the Lord has everything I'll ever need stored for me in Him. It's hard to remember that juries and grades don't define me; that is doesn't matter if I earn $8,000 or $800 next year. It's hard to remember that "I don't wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul." So I guess I just wanna write this post to remind anyone who might stumble across it that there is so much more to life than work, or grades, or finals week, or whatever else you may think defines life. It sounds so elementary, but there is. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 That is all the strength and happiness I will ever need.

Later,
Rachel