Scared

So tonight, I'm sitting in bed quite burdened. And scared. Honestly, I kinda considered running off and jumping on a plane and just going somewhere away from here. It's funny how a small misunderstanding can turn into something so ginormous that it makes me wonder. Wonder if this is right, wonder if I'm in the wrong, and wonder why I keep having these hurdles thrown at me. I trust that the Lord will never give me more than I can handle, but gosh. Sometimes, like now, I just want to go away. And it's like, I get into the whole "it's a wonderful life" way of thinking. Maybe had I not ditched all of my dreams, I wouldn't feel this way. Or maybe some people's lives would be a heck of a lot less complicated if I just vanished. Not died, but just like....left.

And then, a song comes on the radio (well, internet radio anyway) that reminds me of who God is. And how He knows my circumstances, and understands me, and sees into my heart. Tonight, that song was "I Am" by Nichole Nordeman. And I'm reminded of the Lord's providence in so many different areas of my life, and I trust that He will comfort me even in times like these. So I don't have to vanish - I can walk through life with confidence knowing that He has a purpose for my life that I can't always see. And it's kinda scary to feel like I'm running on a tightrope blindfolded. But in the end, I know that He'll be there waiting for me at the end of this "tightrope" called life. And I can't wait until the day that there isn't any more pain, or frustration, or arguing. But until that day, I'll keep running this seemingly endless tightrope blindfolded, knowing that there's a huge prize that awaits me at the end - namely eternity with my Comforter, my Best Friend, my God.