Well I've still been busy. It seems like as of lately, I have endless papers and essays to write and books to read and TONS of practicing to do and...blah. But I won't complain. The work is nontheless good. As for college news, I found out on Thursday that if I wanna audition for Juilliard, I'll need a different and more complicated romantic word than the one I already have. Which in turn means I'd have to tell my teacher I wanna audition there so that she can help me with the piece (and unfortunately, I've been trying to avoid that because I don't want her to think I have some ego issue because I honestly still don't think I could make it in). So I was like REALLY distraught on Thursday...but that distraughtness only lasted for a couple of hours. My mom prayed with me, and suddenly when I was practicing, my mom and I both came up with the same solution. She told me she thought I could get the piece down by this Monday. I laughed and told her that was really ironic, because I was just thinking that if I could get down the piece by Monday, I would mention the whole thing to my teacher, and if not, I wouldn't mention it to her. And miraculously, here it is on Saturday, and the Lord has already granted me the grace to be able to play the piece in 9 minutes, and the performance time is usually around 8 minutes. So I've prayed about it, and I think I'm gonna go for it. I talked to a friend yesterday who really encouraged me too. She was telling me that if I decide not to go for it, I have to have a better reason than just plain fear. That I can't be afraid to talk to my teacher, or afraid to try to learn the piece, or even fear of rejection. That my reason for not doing it has to be because I strongly feel that the Lord doesn't want me there. And I guess that's something I really struggle with in my life. Fear. Like, my reservedness and shyness is totally because I fear rejection, and I fear what other people's responses to me will be. And I guess ultimately, with everything I fear whether it is speaking up, or attempting a seemingly insane piece, or trying new things or whatever, my fear is always the fear of rejection or the fear of failure. And even with college auditions. Like, I'm not even close to auditions yet, and I even have nightmares about being rejected during an audition. And it's like, I really do need to "be anxious for nothing, but with everything give prayer and supplication" and I need stop fearing man, and start fearing the Lord more. I also need to learn that in my own strength, I WILL fail. But that in contrast, I can do everything the Lord desires me to do through Christ who strengthens me. Later,
Rachel
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
cool! what piece is it that your playing for the audition?
Amen Rachel. I wish I was at home so I could encourage you. While I can't say I've been exactly where you are, I think I've had to deal with similar stresses and fears and, as you said, the Lord is more than sufficient to care for us and take our cares. Luv u sis. Lord bless.
Post a Comment