It's the Ride

As much as I STRONGLY dislike and disapprove of Miley Cyrus, there has been ONE song of hers that I secretly love: The Climb. Unfortunately, she hasn't heeded her own advice, namely "it's not about how fast I get there, it's not about what's waitin' on the other side", because to Miss Slutsy, it IS about how fast she gets there, and the money and fame that's waiting on the other side.

I found out yesterday that I didn't even get into semi-finals for the state fair. After having a week of contemplating quitting piano altogether because I've been extremely discouraged about it, getting that news certainly didn't help. However, I remembered the good and bad performances I heard when I was at the state fair. NONE of the people who I thought were very talented (there were only 3 that I liked; the rest were either off-tune, only sang a four-note range, or their chords didn't match the song). But I realized, if they didn't make it, maybe I shouldn't feel so down. Maybe it would've been a negative to make it into the state fair. I don't know.

However, something convicted me. I realized that a lot of my frustration with piano is that it "doesn't seem to be going anywhere". I tell that a lot to my family. They respond with, "Rachel, it IS going somewhere. You're gone practically every day of this summer doing something involving music." And yesterday, it hit me. I'm making it "how fast I get there", "what's waitin' on the other side". I will admit, I do want to be famous. Just a TINNNYYY bit. And I'd like to earn enough money to pay off my student loans in a year without a problem. All $100,000+ of them. As if, right? But my focus is all wrong. And maybe that's coming out in my music too. I'm getting to the point I was always scared of getting at - making piano a "job" rather than an enjoyment. And that simply CAN'T be my focus. I have to pray about playing music because I love it, and because I want to touch lives and honor the Lord with it. So I think that'll be my new school year resolution: to pray about keeping my focus on why I decided to major in music, and to not worry about how much my education costs. And I'll try not to think about "worst case scenarios", and what I'll do if performing crashes. Because it's not about that.

It's funny, this summer my mom has been driving me everywhere due to not having a working car to drive. A lot of times, I'm exhausted because my schedule is so hectic. She'll say I can go to sleep, but I tell her I can't sleep in the car because since I'm not driving, I have to be aware of my surroundings. Truth is, I don't totally trust her (or any driver) to get me where I need to go safely. And so often, I want to take the driver's seat in everything. I want to figure everything out myself. I ask for advice, and then debate the advice I'm given, only to frustrate my "advisers". And I find myself sadly wanting to kick God out of the pilot seat, and say I want the wheel to steer my future, because I don't totally trust Him to take me where I need to go. The only problem is that I'm blind to my future. I don't have a road map to know where I'm headed next. So I basically steer myself in endless circles, and get frustrated when things don't turn out the way I want. But what I really need to do is pray about having submission to ALL of my authority figures, namely the Lord himself, take a step back, sit in the passengers seat, and enjoy the ride.

Later,
Rachel