Leaving

So I only have three days left at home. Insane. It's funny, at times it sorta seemed like this time would never come. Like, basically time when I'd be out on my own. Sorta. And since I've been 13, I've been like, 'Wooooohoo, I can't wait until I go to college,' yet now, I have mixed feelings. I'm definitely ready for this huge step towards independence, but a part of me feels a bit sad. Sorta like the time I packed up all of my barbies in a box and put them in the basement, realizing that I'd outgrown them. Like, there's this huge sense of parting, but also somewhat of a sense of feeling a little grown up (and I know, that sounds lame and immature, but this blog is meant for me to spill out my thoughts, right? :p ). And it's really depressing looking at my once-totally-packed closet now half empty. And I did find out that I will only be rooming with one roommate. Who I don't know too well yet. And I've decided to audition for a voice minor. I dunno how my audition will go, or if I'll get accepted into the vocal program, but I really hope I do. Yet, I have a feeling that they'll say since my voice isn't totally matured yet, I'll have to wait a couple more years to audition for it again. But honestly, I think this will be a very good experience for me. I can start a new chapter in my life with a blank slate. I only have actually met three people who will be going there (through Eastman's camp last summer) , but I think that's a good thing. It'll force me to come out of my shell a bit, but in a good way. And I will be totally immersed in music. It's funny because I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago, and she was telling me of all of her goals to be a renown author, singer, and psychiatrist with a doctorate degree (the previous three occupations she wants to do for a good pad of money in her bank account), an amazing wife, and a wonderful mother (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with all of that, it's just pretty much humanly impossible to be all five and effective at all five). And then she asked me, "What are you going to do with a piano major? Like, what can you do with that degree? And if you don't take math and science, what do you do all day? Won't you get bored of just practicing all the time?" And I guess for the first time, it occurred to me that people who aren't musicians probably can't understand how I could possibly want to major in something that might not pay off in terms of money. Or what could possess me to want to lock myself in a practice room for countless hours a day. But I guess really, I can't explain why either. All I know is that I love it. And I'd rather spend the rest of my life doing something I love, even if it means coming home to a cardboard shack every day, then to be a multimillionaire with a job that's pure torture and sacrifice my future family for it. And maybe I won't be the concert pianist or orchestral accompanist I want to be. Maybe all I'll end up doing is playing for a tiny little church somewhere and being a piano teacher. But regardless, I know that by doing music as my career, I'll be happy. Because I know without a doubt that it's what the Lord wants me to do. Anyway, tomorrow I have my last church gig thinymabob, so I better get off and try to organize some sort of program for that. Later,
Rachel