Casting off my burdens to the Lord

Well, I do have some good news in this post. I received an academic scholarship that would cover over half of the tuition cost of Westminster Choir College. And it's definitely a real blessing. I'm still not sure if I will end up going there, but it's a blessing to get accepted and to get a scholarship. But the past few days, I've been convicted of something. For some odd reason, it seems like when something good happens in my life, I can immediately thank the Lord for those good things. But when something doesn't go the way I wanted it to, then I get all like, 'Oh, I failed God, my parents, my piano teacher,' etc. etc.. And I'm not sure why that is. Like, shouldn't I also praise God in the midst of the uncomfortable circumstances? And still see the blessings in that? And when I do have a burden in life, whatever it may be, Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Or, in a simpler way, The Message version says, "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Yet, it's like, in the midst of my trials, I try to muster up enough of my own courage and strength to get through, and it's never enough. Why? Because, it's RELIGION. It's not Christianity. It's putting the pressure on myself to do everything perfectly and right. And it's very depressing, because no matter what I do, it's not good enough. Because all of my "good works", all of my perfections are just like dirty rags to God. Sure, I don't do anything dramatic to end my life or anything like that, but I get REALLY depressed in the midst of difficult circumstances. And I know that the only key to unlocking the treasures of joy that the Lord has stored up for me (even in the most difficult times of my life) is truly fellowshipping with Him. Not just a quick, "Lord, take these trials away from me, I can't handle it anymore" type of prayer, but genuine time spent with Him to draw closer to Him. As my favorite chapter in the Bible says, Psalm 139:7-14 say, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.If I take the wings of the morning,and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,even there Your hand shall lead me,and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”even the night shall be light about me; indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You." And it's so true. No matter what trial I am in the midst of, or what joys the Lord brings into my life, He is always there for me. What more, He doesn't see the difference between the trials and the joys. Or rather, neither the sorrows or the joys change the relationship I have with Him. And maybe that's what He wants me to see. That the darkness and light are both alike as far as trials are concerned. That I should praise Him in the midst of both joys AND trials. That no matter what circumstances He brings my way, His love toward me and for me will never ever be changed. And in the same sense, I shouldn't let trials change my love toward Him. So you know what? I know I can't take back my other posts about how down and out and depressed I was about rejections. But praise the Lord for the rejection from Oberlin. Praise the Lord for the rejection from Swarthmore. Praise the Lord for the rejection from Colburn. Why? Because, He knows what's best for me. He's planned every single day of my life, every second of my life, every breath that I take before time ever began. And because since He's the sovreign, perfect Lord of all that exists, He deserves to be praised in the midst of the joys AND the trials. Later,
Rachel