Well, today has been a very interesting day. At least the beginning of it. So I woke up at about 5:30 a.m. with terrible lung cramps. I haven't experienced them so badly since I was 8 years old. It's a really weird feeling, like....whichever lung hurts, it feels like it's like stuck or something. And when I try to breathe in, I get this intensely sharp pain, like someone is stabbing me or something. And this lasted for 20 minutes this morning. But honestly, I'm thankful for experiences like that. I mean, I seriously felt like I was dying. And I felt totally helpless too. Like, I was suffocating because of pain, and yet there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't call my mom because I felt like it'd waste my breath, and she couldn't do anything anyway. So, I sat there and started crying not because I was scared of dying or anything, but because I thought about how quick life is. And how, so often, I take breaths, moments, days, or even years for granted. I take experiences for granted. And I also take people for granted. And I was thinking, if I die, how will people remember me? Who will I be remembered for? A "nice" girl? Or as some guy at Eastman told me after knowing me for a week, "a typical goody-two-shoes Christian girl"? A girl who gave up like every normal highschool experience for piano? Or, will I be remembered as a Christian? And not just a goody-two-shoes. But, a true Christian? A girl who REALLY spread the love of Christ, not a girl who just followed all of the rules? And I also thought about how quickly people are forgotten. I mean, I've only known two people who have died, neither who were very close to me, but when my grandma and great uncle died, it was like, they were in conversation for about a month. And then....they're rarely brought up in conversation anymore. And they are sorta forgotten, but at the same time, whatever memories or impressions I have of them, they're passed down to me from my parents' insight into their characters. Anyway, I guess that my 20 minute experience to what felt near death for me was amazing. I felt what I haven't felt in 8 years. That my life is truly in the hands of God, and that I can trust Him with anything: whether it be what college I go to, or my next breath. Later,
Rachel
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3 comments:
That's deep and very encouraging Rach. Our life and breath is in the hands of God. I don't think you ever told me about that guy at Eastman. How could he call you a "goodie two shoes" after knowing you for a week. More than likely there's some sin he's hiding in his life and doesn't want to deal with so he acts like your the one with the problem. Anyway, talk to you in a bit, Lordwilling :)
In Him, Josh
Thanks Josh. :) And yeah, it was the guy I accompanied...like we were in a practice room and he randomly said that. And I know he's not a Christian, but still, it sorta hurt, because I wanna be known as a Christian, not a "typical goody two-shoes Christian girl", ya know? Anyway....
Thanks for that post. It gave me alot to think about
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