Paralyzed by fear

I've always heard the phrase "paralyzed by fear", but I've never really understood that it could actually happen. Until yesterday. I had a performance, and I was really nervous about it. Like seriously, more nervous than I've ever been in my life. I was shaking all over, and once I finally adjusted the bench and started to play, I swear, my left hand froze on me. I can only remember playing a few correct notes throughout the whole piece. And honestly, it scared me. I never knew that fear could seriously paralyze someone, to the point where you no longer have control over it. I guess it really scared me because, I want to be a concert pianist. And yet,I have this profoud fear of people. I've written before about my fear of rejection, but it's like that fear extends into everything I do. Whether it's trying to write a paper based on what I think my professor wants to hear, or trying to get straight A's so that college admissions counselors will want me as a student, or playing the right notes on a stage in front of 100 people, I fear that if I do anything differently (e.g., have a few B's on my transcript or write a paper that is leaning towards my opinion, or messing up a couple of times on a stage), people are going to reject me. Or their perception of me will be ruined, or negative. And I constantly think of how Biblically, I'm not supposed to fear man at all. Yet, it's one of those things that seems easier said than done. I called my teacher afterwards and she told me of a few times that something similar had happened to her; and also of a lady who was a professional concert pianist who blanked out in the middle of a concert and stood in the middle of Orchestra Hall and said, "Sorry, I forgot the piece, I'll have to move on to the next piece." And she told me that the important thing is not to worry about me, or what I did wrong or right, but to focus on the music. From a Christian standpoint, I'd have to say it's about focusing on Christ. But perhaps my biggest problem is my struggle with perfectionism. Maybe because I've been in so many competitive arenas, or arenas where you're never good enough and there's ALWAYS something to work on (e.g. ice skating, gymnastics, piano), it's become a part of me to want to be perfect. And I fear that if I don't do something perfectly, I didn't do it to the best of my ability. Regardless, I guess it's all just something that I need to pray about. And I need to stop being so fearful. I need to start realizing that through my imperfections, the Lord shows His perfection, and humbles me and makes me realize that the only perfect thing I will ever have in life is Him.
Later,
Rachel