Dear Diary.....

Well, lately I haven't really been up to much. I've put in a bajillion job apps. Or okay, more like 8. But still, that's quite a few. And I'm hoping that I'll get a couple of calls back. But if I don't, that's okay. I'll just relax and enjoy the summer and look forward to having a job in the fall when there aren't fifty bajillion other hghschoolers looking for summer jobs. But this break from busyness has really given me a chance to think about a few things.First of all, piano. During the summer, it seems like no matter how bored I get, the last thing I want to do is practice piano. Yet I feel like I'm like starving (not literally of course) if I don't practice. And on top of that, it's like hard for me to practice when I don't have a goal in mind. And okay, I do have the ultimate goal of being a concert pianist, but it's very difficult for me to think,"Oh yeah, in ten years, I wanna be at Carnegie Hall, so I better really start practicing and get my pieces down!" Secondly, I've been reflecting on this past year. I think that this has probably been the most difficult year of my life thus far, but I am really thankful for it. For one, I think that it has really matured me. And I don't say that with pride, but with thankfulness to the Lord for what, at the time, seemed like an endless black hole that I'd never make it through. And I was reading this devotion by Joni Eareckson-Tada on Wednesday. It was about the passage in Hosea 2:6-7. She wrote how she has learned to love her wheelchair and love the safety and borders of protection the Lord provides by it. She wrote that had she been able to walk on her two feet, perhaps she would be reaching for and running toward alot of wrong things. And I guess that is how I feel at times. Perhaps had this year been different, I would've turned in a direction that didn't please the Lord. But whatever the Lord's purposes were, I must be content in knowing that He knows what is best for me. And He is preparing me for whatever I will face in my future life. And then I'm thinking about college and stuff. And how weird it is that I will be applying to college in three months.And I already have a poster on my wall which has the cities Oberlin Conservatory is coming to hold regional auditions in January and February. And how really, these auditions determine my future. Or at least for the next four years if I do decide to do grad school. And yes, I am REALLY excited and overjoyed and prayerful and all yet, it suddenly seems like time is sorta going by faster. Like, second grade and those EASY long-division problems seem like they were just like last year or something. And how this year has seemed SO INCREDIBLY LONG, yet, now it's over and it really doesn't seem like the beginning of the school year was so long ago. It's really weird. Anyway, and then the past couple of days, I've learned a few things about Christian love. And thinking of the phrase "What Would Jesus Do?" Like it seems like a really lame question, but honestly, when you already have built up a wall against someone for whatever reason without completely getting to know them, is that loving? Is that what Jesus would do? And I've also learn that as I've gotten a little bit older, being fake isn't as easy as it used to be. At least not for an extended period of time. But I have realized that it's really not about being fake, but being loving. Doing what Jesus would do. And not just plastering a smile on my face, but praying to be loving toward the person who I feel like being fake to. And really, loving your neighbor as yourself isn't always as easy as it seems. Well, anyway, this is really really long and boring. Oh well. Later,
Rachel