Life in general is just plain hard....okay, AND very confusing

Well, I did take the SAT yesterday. I think and hope that it went well....IDK though. I guess I'll find out when I get my results back. Yesterday was quite tiring though. Like.....serious brain overload. Like after the first half hour (or, okay, the first ten minutes even), I got really sidetracked and started thinking about stuff TOTALLY not pertaining to the SAT. And I TRIED to get myself to focus, but despite my efforts, I kept having these random thoughts. And then I read the sentences in the grammar stuff. It was like reading French. I couldn't make much sense out of it, but tried to manage to make sense out of it...if that makes any sense. However, I DIDN'T bring fudge or ice cream or red bull to the test and stuff. And I managed to turn off my light (WITHOUT sneaking and writing in my diary with my cell phone flashlight) before 10:30 the night before the test. Yay for me! So yeah. Then today we visited a different church again. Which I don't mind anymore I guess. I mean, now it's like sorta habit I guess.....so yeah. The "worship" songs were Christian Rock though. I mean, I knew like two of the songs, but...I will admit that it was innapropriate for a worship service. Like, the guitarist was awesome, but all you could think about was how well he was jamming on his electric guitar, not about Christ or anything. And then communion time came. And, okay, I haven't been to a communion service since I started this gluten-free stuff. So once my mom passed me the plate with bread chunks on it, I asked her "Mom, what am I supposed to do?" She just shrugged her shoulders. I don't think that she heard me. Then I passed it to Aaron, and he looked like concerned, not realizing that I wasn't taking it because I couldn't. Sigh. Then I seriously wanted to cry. And my eyes did get teary. Which messed up my eyeliner. Like I cared. I was just happy that I didn't end up outbursting in sobs. But I did learn that I should carry a gluten-free cracker in my Bible at all times. So yeah. And the message was okay....but just okay. Like, the pastor really put things in perspective for me. He was talking about how very few of us would give up eating, but how often most of us neglect feeding ourselves spiritual food. He showed a picture of this guy that stopped eating for 60 days. Then he said that most of us don't eat spiritually more than once per week. And as I know, for some, it could be never. So how spiritually malnourished are alot of professing believers? And if a person had an army, surely they wouldn't put out guys on the front lines who ate once a week. The army would get killed. Yet as believers, we engage in spiritual warfare every single moment of our lives, and how often do we feed ourselves spiritually? A "candy" spiritual book like what I like to read (and not like those are bad, because Christian literature is definately important, it just shouldn't take the place of God's Word)? Or feasting on the Bible, spiritual food, God-breathed inspiration and revelation? Anyway....this is really long. Sorry. Later,